Lorelai: I was negotiating at a funeral.
Rory: I saw.
Lorelai: Which might've been the most inappropriate thing to happen today until that gnat flew into Kirk's mouth and he freaked and dropped the casket.
Rory: It was a nice save.

Lorelai: Okay, we left off with the thing in Kyle's bedroom.
Rory: I don't understand. One minute he's happy, then he's not. And he doesn't tell me anything ever. I mean, you're supposed to tell your girlfriend things. That's the whole point of having a girlfriend, isn't it?
Lorelai: Yes, it is. Now, Kyle's bedroom, what happened there?
Rory: And I'm so tired of fighting. Or not even fighting because he won't fight. He just gets mad and disappears and then comes back and I don't like how I feel and I don't like what I do.
Lorelai: Like what you do where, in Kyle's bedroom?
Rory: I don't wanna feel like this, I don't wanna sit around wondering when we're going to talk, if he's mad, why he's mad. I hate this. I really, really...

Lorelai: Honey, you gotta tell Mommy what happened in Kyle's bedroom!
Rory: Jess was upset and I went to look for him and we were kissing and then it seemed like he wanted to...
Lorelai: Did you?
Rory: No, I didn't. And then he got all weird like he was mad at me.
Lorelai: Hey, if he was mad at you because you wouldn't have sex with him, then he's a jerk.
Rory: I know that, but I don't even know if that's why he's mad at me. I don't know if he's mad at me. I don't know anything because he won't talk. He just sulks then disappears, and just when you're through with him, he shows up at hockey games with Distiller tickets.
Lorelai: Distiller tickets? What Distiller tickets?
Rory: Oh, that's right, you don't know about that because I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed because I didn't wanna be that girl and you don't want me to be that girl, but after the hockey game, I was that girl.
Lorelai: What girl? Help me, drag me along, honey.
Rory: The girl who lets her boyfriend treat her like dirt and then lies to her mom about it.
Lorelai: Okay, you need a breath here.

Rory: Well, there it is.
Lorelai: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Lister announce the engagement of their daughter Lindsay Ann to Dean Forrester, son of Randy and Barbara Forrester." My God, they're a good looking couple. If their kids can sing there's no stopping 'em.
Rory: I still don't understand why they need to get married.
Lorelai: Maybe they have to get married before he grows so tall she won't be able to talk to him anymore.

Sookie: You don't think that because we wanted the property so much, we killed Fran.
Lorelai: What?
Sookie: Through the power of our minds.
Lorelai: No, no, we wished for the property, not this!
Sookie: Yeah, but you never know with karma.

Lorelai: Why are you holding it like that?
Rory: Because when Lane left it here last night, it was a very different color.
Lorelai: Are you sure she's gonna want that back? It's been left alone all night at a keg party. There's no getting it over that. That backpack is permanently scarred. That backpack is Zelda Fitzgerald.
Rory: Well, Zelda's going home.

Lorelai: Make a note: if the guests are gonna wear those robes downstairs, we need to buy ones with thicker material.
Sookie: Really. Seeing the sunlight hit Dennis gave me a whole new respect for Peg.

Lorelai: I mean, before this whole Friday night dinner thing, I didn't see them regularly and we didn't talk regularly, so it wasn't weird when I didn't see them or talk to them regularly.
Sookie: You miss them.
Lorelai: No, I just feel like I'm not doing something I'm supposed to do. I feel guilty.
Sookie: So what are you gonna do about it?
Lorelai: I'm gonna hope it passes.
Sookie: Sounds healthy.

Jess: I need ham.
Caesar: No ham.
Jess: We got a shipment of ham yesterday.
Caesar: No ham.
Jess: Caesar, there's a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty handed, there's a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me.
Caesar: No ham.
Jess: Then sew some bacon together 'cause that woman is getting ham.

Jess: Where the hell have you been? The place is a freaking zoo. Every table's full and I've got Sammy Davis Jr. here thinking it's the Desert Inn.
Luke: I had to run an errand.
Jess: Everybody's complaining, we're out of ham, Caesar's suddenly decided to join the Slow Food Movement, and I've got a guy who's moved in at a table for four. He just sits, making it impossible for me to turn over that table, and if I can't turn over that table, then that cuts way back on my tips.