Lorelai: Well, see, we didn't actually have a big use for the crystal candlesticks. So I kind of... exchanged them.
Emily: For what?
Lorelai: A monkey lamp.
Emily: Pardon me?
Lorelai: It's a lamp with a bunch of monkeys on it.
Emily: Baccarat crystal candlesticks for a monkey lamp?
Lorelai: They're really, really happy monkeys, Mom.
Emily: Where is this lamp? I want to see it.
Lorelai: It's right there on the desk.
Emily: Oh, my God! They're holding coconuts and leering.
Lorelai: It's funny.
Emily: You traded my lovely gift for a semi-pornographic, leering monkey lamp? How could you? This is not just about the bad greeting of returning a gift. This goes to the very heart of the question of taste. You were given something of substance, and you cast it off for a ridiculous, slightly sinister barroom decoration? Explain this to me, Lorelai.
Lorelai: My back hurts.

Emily: You do not go running out the door when a boy honks.
Lorelai: Mom, it's fine.
Emily: It certainly is not fine. This is not a drive-through. She's not fried chicken.
Rory: But I told him to honk and I'd meet him out there. We agreed.
Emily: I don't care what you told him. If he wants to take you out, he will walk up to this door and knock, and say, "Good evening", and come inside for a moment like any civilized human being would know to do.
Lorelai: Now, Mom, this is silly. I have met him already.
Emily: Well, I haven't.
Lorelai: Yeah, but-
Emily: We will wait until he comes to the door.
Rory: He doesn't know he's supposed to.
Emily: He will figure it out. [car honks] [silence] [car honks] He's not a very bright boy, is he?
Lorelai: Mom, please. [doorbell rings]
Emily: Don't rush. A lady never rushes.

Dean: You brought a book to the dance?
Rory: Yeah.
Dean: You thought there'd be a lot of downtime?
Rory: No. I just take a book with me everywhere. It's just habit.
Dean: So, uh, what are you reading?
Rory: The Portable Dorothy Parker.
Dean: "There's little in taking or giving There's little in water or wine This living, this living, this living Was never a project of mine'. Cheery.
Rory: Funny, though.

Lorelai: Mom, I read my newsletter.
Emily: You did?
Lorelai: That's right.
Emily: What was the picture on the cover?
Lorelai: It was a picture of a really rich kid in plaid.
Emily: It's a spotted owl.
Lorelai: In plaid.

Emily: Your grandfather called and told me to tell you he's bringing you back something very special from Prague.
Rory: Wow, Prague. How amazing is it that he's going to Prague?
Emily: It's supposed to be lovely. Dramatic castles everywhere.
Rory: Can you believe the cell that Vaclav Havel was held in is now a hostel. You can stay there for $50 a night. Hey, maybe on our big trip to Europe we could go there and stay in his cell.
Lorelai: Absolutely. Then we should go to Turkey and stay in that place from Midnight Express.

Emily: The owls are endangered, and Chilton is taking donations to help them. You gave a very nice one, in case you're interested.
Lorelai: Mom, don't be giving donations on Rory's behalf. I'll do that.
Emily: How can you when you don't read the newsletter?
Lorelai: I read the newspaper.
Emily: You didn't know they were taking donations.
Lorelai: It's a private school. They're always taking donations. I'll get them next time.
Emily: Well, what about the owls?
Lorelai: They'll live.
Emily: Apparently they won't, dear. That's why they need the donations in the first place.

Emily: What did you say to her?
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Emily: If she doesn't wanna go, it's because of something you said.
Lorelai: Mom, I promise. All I ever said to her about dances is that you go, you dance, you have punch, eat, you take a picture and then you get auctioned off to a biker gang from Sausalito.
Emily: Lorelai, this is serious.
Lorelai: Mom, I said nothing, okay? Rory's disdain of formals is totally her own. Let's just drop it, please.
Emily: Fine.
Lorelai: Fine.
Emily: What's wrong with the tomato?
Lorelai: It was fraternizing with the enemy.

Lorelai: Why didn't you mention the dance?
Rory: Because I'm not going.
Lorelai: But why aren't you going?
Rory: Because I hate dances.
Lorelai: Good answer. Except you've never actually been to a dance.
Rory: So?
Lorelai: So you have nothing to compare it to.
Rory: No, but I can imagine it.
Lorelai: That's true. However, not really, since you've never actually been to one. You're basing all your dance opinions on one viewing of Sixteen Candles.

Lorelai: So, you should have a decent reason for hating something before you really decide you hate it.
Rory: Trust me, I'll hate it. It'll be stuffy and boring, and the music will suck. And since none of the kids at school like me I'll be standing in the back listening to 98 Degrees watching Tristin and Paris argue over who gets to make me miserable first.
Lorelai: Okay. Or it'll be all sparkly and exciting. You'll be on the dance floor listening to Tom Waits with some great-looking guy staring at you so hard you don't realize that Paris and Tristin have just been eaten by bears.
Rory: What guy?
Lorelai: I don't know. Maybe the guy who hangs out in our trees all day waiting for you.
Rory: Dean does not hang out in trees.
Lorelai: He bashed his head in a branch last week when I came out of the house too quickly.

Lorelai: I don't care if you go. I just don't want you to miss on any experience because you're too afraid.
Rory: I'm afraid? Of what?
Lorelai: Of asking Dean, of him saying no, of going to a dance with a bunch of kids who haven't accepted you yet, of dancing in public, of finding out you should never be dancing in public.
Rory: Okay, okay, I get it.
Lorelai: Listen, I know you are not Miss Party Girl, and I love you for that... But, [sighs], sometimes I wonder. Do you not join in because you really don't want to or because you're too shy? If the reason you don't wanna go is because you really don't wanna go and not because you are in any way afraid, then this is the last time I'll mention it. I promise.