Kirk Quote #160

Quote from Kirk in Come Home

Lorelai: Kirk, what are you doing here?
Kirk: Staff meeting.
Lorelai: You don't work here.
Kirk: I thought I might like to go into hotel management someday, and I figured this was a good place to learn.
Lorelai: Oh, Kirk, you can't just crash a staff meeting.
Kirk: [writes] Outsiders cannot crash staff meetings. I'm learning so much.

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 ‘Come Home’ Quotes

Quote from Luke

Luke: Watching T.V. in bed screws up your REM sleep.
Lorelai: But Charlie Rose, Jon Stewart, Pink Lady and Jeff?
Luke: All screw up your REM sleep.
Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell and they're going to pass a law where everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. And suddenly, you're depressed thinking we're all going to die. And don't drink the water. "And there's anthrax in my bagel." And bam, there goes your REM sleep.
Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."
Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.

Quote from Michel

Lorelai: Okay, anything else to discuss before we wrap it up here?
Michel: Yes. We have a problem with some honor bar discrepancies. For the past few weeks, after I have checked a room and found the honor bar intact, the next day, Toblerones are missing.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: Only Toblerones, and only in certain rooms. I think we have thieves.
Lorelai: Or guests.
Michel: No, these are not the guests. The disappearances are happening in rooms no one is staying in. I think we have thieves and it's obviously an inside job. This person is waiting until I've made my rounds.
They're waiting until I've checked my list, 'till I initial my list, and only then do they steal the Toblerones.
Lorelai: Maybe you counted wrong.
Michel: I say we install surveillance cameras, fingerprint the staff, run the prints through the FBI and have mandatory searches before they leave at the end of their shift.
Lorelai: Oh, well, that sounds great. Everybody drop your pants for Michel before you leave. Meeting adjourned.

 Kirk Gleason Quotes

Quote from Blame Booze and Melville

Kirk: Sally Forth is on fire today. On fire!
Luke: Where did you get a quarter of a million dollars!
Kirk: What? I don't have a quarter of a million dollars.
Luke: You don't?
Kirk: No. Just shy. It's $247,868. Sixty-seven, if I get a couple of donuts to go. Those chocolate raised are calling my name.
Luke: Where the hell did you get that much money?
Kirk: I've been working for eleven years, Luke. I've had fifteen thousand jobs. I've saved every dollar I've ever made. That and the miracle of compound interest has created a bounty of a quarter of a million dollars. Again, just under. I don't want to brag.

Quote from Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too

Kirk: I took it upon myself to poll the town, and I think you're gonna be pretty happy with the results.
Sookie: We are?
Kirk: Jackson is solidly in the lead.
Sookie: Already?
Lorelai: We just started bugging people.
Kirk: Well, I modeled my poll after the Gallup poll. The Gallup poll uses a sample of 1,005 voters to represent the 280 million people of the United States. Using that logic, the correct sampling size of the town of Stars Hollow would be 0.002. Rounding that up means one person needs to be polled, so I picked me.
Lorelai: You polled yourself?
Kirk: I was right there. Seemed like a perfect opportunity.