Lorelai: Kirk, what are you doing here?
Kirk: Staff meeting.
Lorelai: You don't work here.
Kirk: I thought I might like to go into hotel management someday, and I figured this was a good place to learn.
Lorelai: Oh, Kirk, you can't just crash a staff meeting.
Kirk: [writes] Outsiders cannot crash staff meetings. I'm learning so much.

Luke: Watching T.V. in bed screws up your REM sleep.
Lorelai: But Charlie Rose, Jon Stewart, Pink Lady and Jeff?
Luke: All screw up your REM sleep.
Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell and they're going to pass a law where everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. And suddenly, you're depressed thinking we're all going to die. And don't drink the water. "And there's anthrax in my bagel." And bam, there goes your REM sleep.
Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."
Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.

Lorelai: Okay, anything else to discuss before we wrap it up here?
Michel: Yes. We have a problem with some honor bar discrepancies. For the past few weeks, after I have checked a room and found the honor bar intact, the next day, Toblerones are missing.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: Only Toblerones, and only in certain rooms. I think we have thieves.
Lorelai: Or guests.
Michel: No, these are not the guests. The disappearances are happening in rooms no one is staying in. I think we have thieves and it's obviously an inside job. This person is waiting until I've made my rounds.
They're waiting until I've checked my list, 'till I initial my list, and only then do they steal the Toblerones.
Lorelai: Maybe you counted wrong.
Michel: I say we install surveillance cameras, fingerprint the staff, run the prints through the FBI and have mandatory searches before they leave at the end of their shift.
Lorelai: Oh, well, that sounds great. Everybody drop your pants for Michel before you leave. Meeting adjourned.