Kirk Quote #107
Kirk: Lorelai, what time do you have?
Luke: Do not tell him. He already knows.
Kirk: I do not!
Luke: If you just wait for the bells, then you'll get to hear the bells, and then you'll know what time it is.
Kirk: Actually, that's not true. The other day I stood too close to the bells and they rang so loud that there's now a persistent ringing in my ears. Now I can't tell which are the church bells and which are the Kirk bells.
Lorelai: Oh, no. Did you go to the doctor?
Kirk: Yes, he said I have tinnitis. I looked it up on the web at "Celebrities Who Share Your Disease" and found that William Shatner is likewise afflicted.
Luke: Really, Kirk and Captain Kirk?
Kirk: The irony wasn't lost on me. Was that them?
Quote from Paris
Paris: When you boil it down, isn't the whole Israeli-Palestinian problem a case of sibling rivalry?
Professor Freedman: Follow up?
Paris: The Old Testament, it's all there. Israelis are descendants of Abraham and Sarah. Arabs are descendants of Abraham and his maid Hagar. So Israelis and Arabs both have the same dad, and both want the great nation God promised Abraham. They might as well be fighting over who gets the TV remote.
Quote from Miss Patty
Lorelai: Yeah, do you remember the bells?
Sookie: No, it was before my time.
Lorelai: Me too, sounds great.
Miss Patty: Oh, they were fantastic. One of my most romantic memories happened during those bells.
Rory: Your first kiss?
Miss Patty: Uh, sure. Oh-kay.
Quote from Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too
Kirk: I took it upon myself to poll the town, and I think you're gonna be pretty happy with the results.
Sookie: We are?
Kirk: Jackson is solidly in the lead.
Lorelai: We just started bugging people.
Kirk: Well, I modeled my poll after the Gallup poll. The Gallup poll uses a sample of 1,005 voters to represent the 280 million people of the United States. Using that logic, the correct sampling size of the town of Stars Hollow would be 0.002. Rounding that up means one person needs to be polled, so I picked me.
Lorelai: You polled yourself?
Kirk: I was right there. Seemed like a perfect opportunity.
Quote from Blame Booze and Melville
Kirk: Sally Forth is on fire today. On fire!
Luke: Where did you get a quarter of a million dollars!
Kirk: What? I don't have a quarter of a million dollars.
Luke: You don't?
Kirk: No. Just shy. It's $247,868. Sixty-seven, if I get a couple of donuts to go. Those chocolate raised are calling my name.
Luke: Where the hell did you get that much money?
Kirk: I've been working for eleven years, Luke. I've had fifteen thousand jobs. I've saved every dollar I've ever made. That and the miracle of compound interest has created a bounty of a quarter of a million dollars. Again, just under. I don't want to brag.