Rory: Okay, you've got to stop doing this.
Paris: What happened? Harvard was my destiny. I was flipping through Harvard class schedules when you were still delighting to The Adventures of Gumby and Pokie.
Rory: I was more of a Pee Wee Herman kind of gal.
Paris: It's partly my parents' fault, they didn't brand me properly. I should've been at the 92nd Street Y or Brick Church.
Rory: Prep schools?
Paris: Pre-schools. It decides everything. But I'm not totally blameless. I found a spot in my interview that I'm sure doomed me.
Rory: You recorded your Harvard interview?
Paris: The plan was to archive everything, then donate it to the university upon my demise. Little did I expect that my demise would come this early.

Kirk: Good morning, ladies. May I interest you in a shirt?
Lorelai: Oh, Kirk. You're not selling your laundry again, are ya?
Kirk: No, these are part of my latest money-making endeavor. I'm going to print daily T-shirts featuring a humorous topical headline of something I witness around town.
Rory: Neat.
Kirk: I got the idea when I read about something a man was doing in Portland.
Rory: What was he doing?
Kirk: He was printing daily T-shirts featuring a humorous topical headline of something he witnessed around town.

Miss Patty: [answers phone] [refined accent] Hello, this is the Independence Inn emergency headquarters.
I'm Miss Patty, I'll be assisting you today. How may I help you? The printer will be here in half an hour, I'll let him know. Thank you. Goodbye. [hangs up] The printer will...
Michel: I heard, and you've got to shorten your greeting.
Miss Patty: What?
Michel: You do not need to recite the Gettysburg Address every time you answer the phone.
Miss Patty: I was Ricardo Montalban's receptionist for six months and he never complained.
Michel: Who?
Miss Patty: Don't make me hit you.