Lorelai: Why were you deposed?
Michel: My neighbor had this dog, a frisky little scamp that used to love to yap to his friends all night long. It was so cute. Then one day he disappeared. I told the police what I knew, but sadly the adorable little chatterbox was never found. It was tragic.
Lorelai: You got rid of a dog?
Michel: No.
Lorelai: How could you get rid of a dog?
Michel: I will gladly show you the transcript from the lawyer and the results of the lie detector test.
Lorelai: You're heinous.
Michel: And very well rested.

Paris: How many times do I have to tell them? You can't put a two-inch ladle of gravy into a one-inch potato crater. You either need a smaller ladle or a bigger crater. Otherwise, you get this.
Rory: Gravy on your asparagus.
Paris: Yes.
Rory: Paris, the cafeteria workers serve hundreds of students a day. A little gravy spillage is natural.
Paris: I see. So I should just sit quietly and shovel in whatever slop they throw my way like some inmate in the chow line at Leavenworth doing twenty to life? I don't think so.

Emily: So it's my fault?
Lorelai: I didn't say that.
Emily: No, Lorelai, you did. For years, I've been listening to you and your father and everyone else go on and on about how demanding I am, how I have to have things a certain way. Well, guess what? I pay to have them that way. I pay more than anyone else pays their maids, and when things are not the way I want, that means I'm not getting what I paid for. Why is that so hard to understand?
Lorelai: It isn't hard to understand, it's just...
Emily: If you pay for first class and the airline sticks you in coach, people expect you to be upset. No one calls you demanding or unreasonable. And yet here is this woman whom I pay more than she can get anywhere else in Hartford, whose severance package could finance a summer cruise down the Rhine, dragging me into court saying that I was unfair. Why? Because having paid for one thing, I'm not content with something else? That makes me unfair? Well, then, so be it. Let someone else pay first class and ride in steerage, not me.