Kirk Quote #52
Kirk: I've discovered Kirk likes my presence announced before I enter any room that he's in.
Lorelai: You have to announce yourself?
Kirk: Yeah, just a quick, "Is it okay if I come in?" from the adjacent room. Otherwise, he gets a little testy.
Lorelai: Hence the scratch.
Kirk: It's just a small laceration. Again, no biggie.
Lorelai: [gasps] Kirk, he got your neck!
Kirk: That was another mistake of mine. I put his food bowl down in front of him. He doesn't like that. Or she doesn't.
Lorelai: She? I thought Kirk was a boy.
Kirk: That was just a guess. He actually hasn't exposed his underside to me yet. Or hers.
Lorelai: Well, here's hoping your cat exposes itself to you soon.
Kirk: From your mouth to God's ears.
Quote from Sookie
Sookie: Bob has two seconds to get the hollandaise off the flame before I break his neck!
Lorelai: Sookie, listen, you hired Bob. You trained him in your image. He's great, and he's subbed for you before.
Sookie: But this is Thanksgiving, he has never done Thanksgiving.
Lorelai: He's ready, he'll sub for you seamlessly. Even Big Joe Newsanchor's have substitutes.
Sookie: And that's the thing. They still say, "And now the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather." You see? Dan is still associated with it even though he's off snorkeling or something, just like I'm gonna be associated with the dinner because Bob is substituting for Sookie.
Quote from Paris
Paris: My Thanksgiving is turning into a Wes Craven movie.
Rory: How so?
Paris: I called shelters to volunteer to serve food. It's Thanksgiving, you'd think they have needs. Nope. Every stupid soup kitchen in town turned me down because they have enough volunteers.
Paris: I'm on a couple waiting lists, but it doesn't look good.
Rory: I've never heard of too many volunteers.
Paris: Who are all these jackasses who volunteered anyway? They can't all be students like me. They're not all putting it on a college application. I get something out of it and these other people don't get a thing. Talk about selfish.
Quote from Blame Booze and Melville
Kirk: Sally Forth is on fire today. On fire!
Luke: Where did you get a quarter of a million dollars!
Kirk: What? I don't have a quarter of a million dollars.
Luke: You don't?
Kirk: No. Just shy. It's $247,868. Sixty-seven, if I get a couple of donuts to go. Those chocolate raised are calling my name.
Luke: Where the hell did you get that much money?
Kirk: I've been working for eleven years, Luke. I've had fifteen thousand jobs. I've saved every dollar I've ever made. That and the miracle of compound interest has created a bounty of a quarter of a million dollars. Again, just under. I don't want to brag.
Quote from Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too
Kirk: I took it upon myself to poll the town, and I think you're gonna be pretty happy with the results.
Sookie: We are?
Kirk: Jackson is solidly in the lead.
Lorelai: We just started bugging people.
Kirk: Well, I modeled my poll after the Gallup poll. The Gallup poll uses a sample of 1,005 voters to represent the 280 million people of the United States. Using that logic, the correct sampling size of the town of Stars Hollow would be 0.002. Rounding that up means one person needs to be polled, so I picked me.
Lorelai: You polled yourself?
Kirk: I was right there. Seemed like a perfect opportunity.