Michel: Do not talk to my mother ever again. Do you understand me?
Lorelai: No, I don't understand. Michel, you and your mother seem crazy about each other. I assumed, since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew.
Michel: Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It's a stupid American phrase!

Lorelai: Mom, there's nothing wrong with getting help.
Emily: Lorelai Gilmore, are you seriously suggesting that your father go to a complete stranger and talk about his personal life?
Lorelai: Lots of people swear by it.
Emily: Yes. Disturbed people. Deviants. People with multiple personalities who see things and hear dogs talking to them and roam the streets talking to themselves and licking parking meters.
Lorelai: Mom.
Emily: Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist.
Lorelai: Too many comebacks. I cannot pick.

Rory: I'm hanging out with Lane tonight.
Lorelai: Lane?
Rory: Yeah. We have some serious CD listening to do. We're way behind on all the Elvis Costello reissues coming out.
Lorelai: I didn't think Lane could hang out past 9:00.
Rory: Her mom's at an antique fair in Woodbury until Sunday. Her grandmother's staying with her, but she's asleep by 6:00.