Emily Quote #50
Emily: The owls are endangered, and Chilton is taking donations to help them. You gave a very nice one, in case you're interested.
Lorelai: Mom, don't be giving donations on Rory's behalf. I'll do that.
Emily: How can you when you don't read the newsletter?
Lorelai: I read the newspaper.
Emily: You didn't know they were taking donations.
Lorelai: It's a private school. They're always taking donations. I'll get them next time.
Emily: Well, what about the owls?
Lorelai: They'll live.
Emily: Apparently they won't, dear. That's why they need the donations in the first place.
Quote from Emily
Lorelai: Well, see, we didn't actually have a big use for the crystal candlesticks. So I kind of... exchanged them.
Emily: For what?
Lorelai: A monkey lamp.
Emily: Pardon me?
Lorelai: It's a lamp with a bunch of monkeys on it.
Emily: Baccarat crystal candlesticks for a monkey lamp?
Lorelai: They're really, really happy monkeys, Mom.
Emily: Where is this lamp? I want to see it.
Lorelai: It's right there on the desk.
Emily: Oh, my God! They're holding coconuts and leering.
Lorelai: It's funny.
Emily: You traded my lovely gift for a semi-pornographic, leering monkey lamp? How could you? This is not just about the bad greeting of returning a gift. This goes to the very heart of the question of taste. You were given something of substance, and you cast it off for a ridiculous, slightly sinister barroom decoration? Explain this to me, Lorelai.
Lorelai: My back hurts.
Quote from Emily
Emily: You do not go running out the door when a boy honks.
Lorelai: Mom, it's fine.
Emily: It certainly is not fine. This is not a drive-through. She's not fried chicken.
Rory: But I told him to honk and I'd meet him out there. We agreed.
Emily: I don't care what you told him. If he wants to take you out, he will walk up to this door and knock, and say, "Good evening", and come inside for a moment like any civilized human being would know to do.
Lorelai: Now, Mom, this is silly. I have met him already.
Emily: Well, I haven't.
Lorelai: Yeah, but-
Emily: We will wait until he comes to the door.
Rory: He doesn't know he's supposed to.
Emily: He will figure it out. [car honks] [silence] [car honks] He's not a very bright boy, is he?
Lorelai: Mom, please. [doorbell rings]
Emily: Don't rush. A lady never rushes.
Quote from I Am Kayak, Hear Me Roar
Emily: It's like a canoe.
Lorelai: What's like a canoe?
Emily: You're just paddling along in a canoe.
Lorelai: Mother, have you ever been in a canoe?
Lorelai: Well, I just can't picture you in a canoe.
Emily: Your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years. Only now, he's dropped the paddle. He just dropped it. Not only that, but now the canoe is going in circles. Without your father there, I'm paddling on my side and the canoe is spinning in circles, and the harder I paddle, the faster it spins, and it's hard work, and I'm getting tired.
Quote from Driving Miss Gilmore
Lorelai: Here we go.
Emily: What is this?
Lorelai: This is my car.
Emily: We can't go in this. We have to take the other car.
Lorelai: What other car? No, Mom, that's not a car. That's a rap-video set.
Emily: I ordered it specially. It has the darkest windows available. They say it's the car Jay-Z uses when he's in town. I assume that's an entertainer of some sort. The windows are bulletproof. They kept saying that as if it's a selling point. I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years.