Lorelai: I mean, for example, why can't you keep a maid in this house? I mean, there must have been a thousand women who have gone through here in the 32 years that I've been alive. And not one of them could stick it out.
Emily: And this is what we need to discuss right now?
Lorelai: These are women from countries that have dictatorships, civil wars and death squads. All of that, they survived. But five minutes working for Emily Gilmore, and people are begging for Castro.
Emily: I'm going to bed now.
Lorelai: And why is it that when your only daughter tells you she is getting married you can't muster up even a little enthusiasm? Even a little fake enthusiasm? Why don't you pretend that you care? I mean, this is the biggest thing to happen to me, possibly for the rest of my life. And you dismissed it, like I said: "Hey, I'm thinking of getting a Honda. What do you think?"
Emily: You're obviously hysterical.
Lorelai: Why don't you care? Why have you never cared? No matter what has happened to me my entire life you've never been happy for me. And that hurts, Mom. It really hurts.
Emily: I'm not discussing this with you.
Lorelai: Do you know how it felt for me to tell you that I was getting married and to have you just brush it off like that? Do you know?
Emily: No, I don't- I don't know! Possibly very similar to finding out from a complete stranger that my only daughter was getting married and had told every other person in the world before she bothered to tell her own mother! Possibly it felt something like that. Now if you will excuse me, it is late and I am going to bed.

Rory: When are you going to tell them?
Lorelai: Soon.
Rory: When is soon?
Lorelai: When the big hand hits the 'S' and the little hand hits the 'oon'.

Luke: Something that's supposed to start nice. Two people promising each other: "I love you forever. I want to die when you die. My life meant nothing until you used my toothbrush." And then it starts.
Lorelai: Well, that's not exactly...
Luke: Who do you invite? Who sits where? Open bar? Yes or no?
Lorelai: Luke.
Luke: Auntie Juny doesn't eat chicken. Uncle Momo's off his meds.
Lorelai: Juny and Momo?
Luke: Just an example.
Lorelai: Of a retired circus couple?
Luke: And then after all that planning, the reception will still be a disaster. Because no matter what you do or how carefully you plan, halfway through one of those nauseating Bette Midler ballads someone's getting drunk, someone's sleeping with someone else's wife, and a chicken Kiev lands on the cake.
Lorelai: You know, the Gettysburg Address was only one page long, and that was about a war.
Luke: I just call them like I see them.