Emily: It's like a canoe.
Lorelai: What's like a canoe?
Emily: Life.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: You're just paddling along in a canoe.
Lorelai: Mother, have you ever been in a canoe?
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: Well, I just can't picture you in a canoe.
Emily: Your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years. Only now, he's dropped the paddle. He just dropped it. Not only that, but now the canoe is going in circles. Without your father there, I'm paddling on my side and the canoe is spinning in circles, and the harder I paddle, the faster it spins, and it's hard work, and I'm getting tired.

Emily: The idea that two grown men hitting a tiny ball with metal sticks is the equivalent of Hamlet... ridiculous. But can I say anything? No! Because I can't agitate him.
Lorelai: It is ridiculous. Golf is really more like Richard III. They're all hunched over.

Miss Patty: I hope he gets his act together because I think they're perfect.
Babette: Yeah, but maybe the hen belongs with someone else like a penguin or an ostrich.
Kirk: I can no longer sit here and listen to this.
Miss Patty: Oh, good. Go sit over there.
Kirk: I'm sorry, but I can't in good conscience let this perverse conversation continue. Are you insinuating that a hen could mate with an ostrich? Because even ignoring the question of biological feasibility, it's completely morally reprehensible.
Babette: Oh, buzz off with your "morally reprehensible."
Kirk: How do you expect her to lay those eggs? Have you thought about that, have you?