Emily Quote #534
Emily: It's like a canoe.
Lorelai: What's like a canoe?
Emily: You're just paddling along in a canoe.
Lorelai: Mother, have you ever been in a canoe?
Lorelai: Well, I just can't picture you in a canoe.
Emily: Your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years. Only now, he's dropped the paddle. He just dropped it. Not only that, but now the canoe is going in circles. Without your father there, I'm paddling on my side and the canoe is spinning in circles, and the harder I paddle, the faster it spins, and it's hard work, and I'm getting tired.
Quote from Lorelai
Emily: The idea that two grown men hitting a tiny ball with metal sticks is the equivalent of Hamlet... ridiculous. But can I say anything? No! Because I can't agitate him.
Lorelai: It is ridiculous. Golf is really more like Richard III. They're all hunched over.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: What? Her mouth is moving. I can't hear anything. Is something wrong with my ears?
Rory: No, I don't think it's your ears, poor thing.
Lorelai: Ugh, this house is a giant Skinner box with Chippendale chairs.
Quote from Kirk
Miss Patty: I hope he gets his act together because I think they're perfect.
Babette: Yeah, but maybe the hen belongs with someone else like a penguin or an ostrich.
Kirk: I can no longer sit here and listen to this.
Miss Patty: Oh, good. Go sit over there.
Kirk: I'm sorry, but I can't in good conscience let this perverse conversation continue. Are you insinuating that a hen could mate with an ostrich? Because even ignoring the question of biological feasibility, it's completely morally reprehensible.
Babette: Oh, buzz off with your "morally reprehensible."
Kirk: How do you expect her to lay those eggs? Have you thought about that, have you?
Quote from Driving Miss Gilmore
Lorelai: Here we go.
Emily: What is this?
Lorelai: This is my car.
Emily: We can't go in this. We have to take the other car.
Lorelai: What other car? No, Mom, that's not a car. That's a rap-video set.
Emily: I ordered it specially. It has the darkest windows available. They say it's the car Jay-Z uses when he's in town. I assume that's an entertainer of some sort. The windows are bulletproof. They kept saying that as if it's a selling point. I told them I was not paying extra for bulletproof windows. I haven't been strafed in years.
Quote from Blame Booze and Melville
Lorelai: Look, Mom, I was mad at you when I did the interview, okay? And I said things but I didn't mean them, it just happened. And I'm not used to talking to reporters. I didn't know about the whole "off the record, on the record" thing. But I know now. And I'm really sorry it happened.
Emily: I did not force Jimmy Carter out of his room at that hotel.
Lorelai: See, now that I thought was just an amusing anecdote.
Emily: I did not get into a, quote, "bitch-fight" with him. He's an ex-president! It was with that insufferable Rosalyn.
Quote from You Jump, I Jump, Jack
Emily: Diners are generally so filthy. I'm sure yours isn't, but the horror stories you hear. I read that one in Vermont got caught serving roadkill. Do you know what that is?
Luke: Uh, yeah, it's, uh, dead animals from the street.
Emily: From the street, from the backyard, fished out of pools. These diners find it and serve it. Again, probably not yours. But the fact that this place got away with it at all is astounding. I guess people who frequent diners don't look too closely at what they're eating out of self defense.
Luke: We don't serve roadkill at my place.
Emily: Well, good for you. I had a friend who ate at a diner once and the next day she dropped dead. Her family considered suing the place but there's nothing to get from these people. A couple of stools and a toaster. But they were sure it was a matter of hygiene and they eventually drove them out of the state. I don't want to tell you what they found when they moved the stove. Would you like another beer, Luke?