Kirk Quote #214
Quote from Kirk in The Real Paul Anka
Kirk: Mask!
Lorelai: What?
Kirk: Mask. I've done it, Lorelai. I finally landed my first listing.
Lorelai: Where are my parents?
Kirk: This is the beginning of my rise to the top of the real-estate industry.
Lorelai: Where are my parents?
Kirk: Do you happen to be in the market for a house? 'Cause this baby's a honey.
Lorelai: Something in the corner just moved.
Kirk: Just a rat. I'd have told you about them before you bought the place. The law also requires me to inform you that the house has toxic mold, asbestos, methane gas, buckling floors, a crumbling foundation, visible fungus, a collapsed fireplace, ceiling damage, water damage, and it was the recent site of a Wicca convention and a particularly grisly murder/suicide. Nothing we can't work with.
Gilmore Girls Quotes
‘The Real Paul Anka’ Quotes
Quote from Kirk
Kirk: Sure you don't want to reconsider my offer? I've got a hairnet on me, so I can start immediately.
Luke: Offer declined.
Quote from Kirk
Lorelai: I'm not in the market, Kirk. Now, listen, I know my parents are shopping for houses. Lane saw you with them. And I need to know where they are right now.
Kirk: I'm sorry. That's confidential information. In fact, the fact that I was with them was confidential. So I'm gonna have to ask you to pretend that I haven't already confirmed that I was with them, which I wasn't.
Lorelai: [gasps] God, what was that?
Kirk: Bat. Don't worry. When you spray for cockroaches, the bats die, too, usually. At the very least, it knocks the wind out of them so they wind up wobbling on the floor, so you can just whack them with a hammer. Nothing we can't work with.
Lorelai: Kirk, I am your friend, but they are my parents, and I need to find them right now. It's important.
Kirk: Well, I shouldn't tell you this, but I know they were looking at two properties on Maple Drive. They're probably around there right now. Too bad I couldn't get them interested in this property. It has great bones. Literally. There's an Indian burial ground underneath it.
Lorelai: Thanks. See ya.
Kirk: Don't run. It scares the bat.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: [on the phone] Okay, so weird dream. Weird, weird dream.
Rory: Weirder than the one where you step into a boxing ring and your hands are suddenly giant cream puffs?
Lorelai: Weirder, scarier.
Rory: Let's hear it.
Lorelai: Well, I was home, and I was finishing up my usual morning routine. You know, coffee, shower. And then - picture this, very weird - I take Paul Anka for a walk.
Rory: You walk Paul Anka every day. What's weird about that?
Lorelai: Not the dog Paul Anka. The real Paul Anka.
Rory: Whoa.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: Was he nice?
Lorelai: Very pleasant, natty dresser. Then suddenly, he sees something, a cat or something, and darts right into the middle of the street.
Rory: The real Paul Anka?
Lorelai: The dog Paul Anka. So I call him and call him, but he completely ignores me and runs right into Doose's market.
Rory: You know, you didn't train him well enough. Too much affection, not enough discipline.
Lorelai: So I go after him into Doose's, and apparently, he's got a job there.
Rory: The dog Paul Anka?
Lorelai: The real Paul Anka.
Paul Anka: You picked yourself some beautiful cucumbers, Mrs. Clancey. You have the cucumber eye.