Lorelai: Hey. Did I wake you? 'Cause I brushed my teeth in the shower so you wouldn't hear the sink run.
Luke: No, you didn't wake me up.
Lorelai: But then it occurred to me while I was in the shower that you could probably hear the shower run, and that defeated the purpose of the whole shower-toothbrush combo.
Luke: Why are you up so early?
Lorelai: Oh, well, you know me.
Luke: I do, so why are you up so early?
Lorelai: I have chores.
Luke: It's 6:00 in the morning.
Lorelai: Well, it's early morning chores.
Luke: What's early morning chores?
Lorelai: You know, just milking cows, feeding chickens, slopping pigs.
Luke: You have to slop pigs?
Lorelai: Well, they're certainly not gonna slop themselves.

Paris: I can't get anyone to write their names on their cups and use them again. It doesn't seem that hard. Open sharpie, write name.
Rory: Maybe people don't want to reuse a paper cup.
Paris: Well, then, hopefully people who don't want to reuse a paper cup won't mind buying SPF5000 for their grandkids when the rainforest is gone and the ozone layer is a doily and the human race is bursting into flames.
Rory: Maybe we could just tell everyone to bring a mug for their water.
Paris: We could, but they won't bring a mug, just like they won't properly proof their articles or double-check their sources.

Lorelai: Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartfordshireville. "Maids go in, but they never come out," they would whisper on the street. How are we doing?
Rory: Keep going.
Lorelai: One day, a beautiful, young cowherderess walked by the house.
Rory: Cowherderess?
Lorelai: Hey, we could just go in, you know?
Rory: Cowherderess is walking by.
Lorelai: And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch. So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and-- Okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were 4. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now. [sighs] It's gonna be fine.