Lorelai Quote #2189
Lorelai: Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartfordshireville. "Maids go in, but they never come out," they would whisper on the street. How are we doing?
Rory: Keep going.
Lorelai: One day, a beautiful, young cowherderess walked by the house.
Lorelai: Hey, we could just go in, you know?
Rory: Cowherderess is walking by.
Lorelai: And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch. So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and-- Okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were 4. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now. [sighs] It's gonna be fine.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Keep him occupied for a second.
Sookie: Hi, Paul Anka. You want to come have a sleepover at my house, huh? What are you doing?
Lorelai: Uh, he freaks out if he sees his leash. You have to make sure you hide it from him, make sure he doesn't see you putting it on him.
Sookie: How is he once he's on the leash?
Lorelai: Oh, he's totally fine having his personal freedom slowly stripped away as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening. Just like a true American.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Hey. Did I wake you? 'Cause I brushed my teeth in the shower so you wouldn't hear the sink run.
Luke: No, you didn't wake me up.
Lorelai: But then it occurred to me while I was in the shower that you could probably hear the shower run, and that defeated the purpose of the whole shower-toothbrush combo.
Luke: Why are you up so early?
Lorelai: Oh, well, you know me.
Luke: I do, so why are you up so early?
Lorelai: I have chores.
Luke: It's 6:00 in the morning.
Lorelai: Well, it's early morning chores.
Luke: What's early morning chores?
Lorelai: You know, just milking cows, feeding chickens, slopping pigs.
Luke: You have to slop pigs?
Lorelai: Well, they're certainly not gonna slop themselves.
Quote from Afterboom
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."
Quote from Let the Games Begin
Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.