Rory: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! I accidentally forgot to turn in my community-service vest.
Lorelai: So?
Rory: So this vest belongs to the state. I have now stolen state property. They're gonna give me community service for stealing my community-service vest.

Paris: We keep the door fully locked, even when we're home. We actually added the chains after there were a couple of break-ins on the street, but we've never had any trouble. We've got a very sophisticated crime-prevention system set up here. When we leave, we always keep the radio on. Rush Limbaugh, of course, so they know we have guns in the house. The lights are all on a timer, so don't touch the switches. And there's a motion detector in the hallway, so don't freak out when it goes on at night. Now, over here is our trusty dog, bloodhound. [dog barks on CD] Excellent for magazine pushers and pamphlet bearers of all types.
Rory: You've got it all covered.
Paris: Pretty much. That's our room. That's your room. They're both the same size, but we have an extra window 'cause Doyle has dreams about walls collapsing in on him, so he needs to sleep near glass.
Rory: Oh, my God! Were those gunshots?
Paris: No, that was just a car backfiring. The real gunfire actually sounds fake. You'll pick it up eventually. They call it "ghetto ear."
Rory: Something to look forward to.
Paris: Now, Doyle sleeps very deeply, so don't worry about the hours. I, as you know, haven't slept through the night since the first time I saw The Wizard of Oz, thank you Mom, so I tend to do my crafts in the middle of the night. But the walls are very thick so you won't hear a thing.

Luke: So, tell me, how was Paul Anka - the person, not the dog?
Lorelai: We didn't get to see him.
Luke: Why not? It's all you talked about.
Lorelai: The billboard was old and his show had actually closed a week before we got there.
Luke: So, who'd you end up seeing?
Lorelai: Well, it came down to Journey without their original lead singer, INXS without their original lead singer, Queen without their original lead singer, the Supremes without Diana, and, weirdly, the James Brown band without James Brown.
Rory: But we wound up seeing Tony Danza, who was sublime.
Lorelai: Oh, the tap dancing.
Rory: Why Taxi never utilized his musical-comedy skills is astonishing.
Luke: Sounds great.
Lorelai: Oh, and we snagged you a Paul Anka t-shirt.
Rory: Had some left over.
Lorelai: Wear it tonight.