Jess: I just wanted to put some notes in the margins.
Rory: What? You've read this before.
Jess: About 40 times.
Rory: I thought you said you didn't read much.
Jess: Well, what is much? Goodnight, Rory.
Rory: Goodnight, Dodger.
Jess: Dodger?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.

Luke: What am I supposed to tell her?
Jess: Tell her I got to take another crack at the closet. You know, I think I hung my Tool T-shirt next to my Metallica T-shirt and they don't get along.
Luke: You really want me to tell her that?
Jess: You think a different band combo would sell it more?

Lorelai: Look, freak, we'll not be late.
Rory: It's the first day. I want to get there early.
Lorelai: We will. I promise.
Rory: I have different classes this year. My routes aren't the same. I haven't found the quickest path around. And my locker, they moved it. And if it doesn't work properly I'll have to get a new one. And God knows how long that'll take and where it'll be. That could send the whole day into chaos. [off Lorelai's look] I'm just excited.

Taylor Doose: Have some respect. These boys just completed the first leg of their outdoor-survival training.
Luke: Meaning you had them sit under a tree and glue rocks together.
Taylor Doose: You're a very jaded man, Luke. What happened to you as a child?
Luke: Some creepy guy in shorts and knee socks tried to sit me under a tree and glue rocks together.

Taylor Doose: That's right. She's breaking the rules and people who break the rules end up very lonely with no friends because they become society's outcasts.
Lorelai: Planning on burning a little Huck Finn after lunch?
Taylor Doose: Excuse me?

Lorelai: Since when do you buy Frosted Flakes? [Luke's grocery bags split] Okay, now, what is going on?
Luke: Nothing.
Lorelai: Nothing? You just woke up this morning and decided to buy every food item in the world that you don't actually eat?
Luke: It's not for me.
Lorelai: Well, who is it for?
Luke: Someone who's not me.

Luke: Apparently, he's been getting into some trouble and Liz is afraid he's heading for something bad and rather than handle it herself, she's given up. She's sending him here so I can straighten him out.
Lorelai: You?
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: You can straighten him out?
Luke: Yes.
Lorelai: You, Luke Danes, the great communicator, you're going to straighten the kid out?
Luke: All he needs is a change of pace, a new crowd and to get away from the nut job that unfortunately is my sister.

Luke: His problem is obvious. It's his mother. We never could count on Liz for anything. Our mom died when we were kids, right? It was just my dad, me, and Liz. My dad worked all the time and I worked in the store with my dad and Liz was off doing God knows what.
Lorelai: I bet losing her mom so early was hard on her.
Luke: It was hard on all of us but we did our part. And the minute she graduates high school, she is out of here. Didn't matter that my dad was sick. Didn't matter that the store was failing. She just took off. Married the hot dog king, had a kid, he left. Now here we are.

Lorelai: Luke, that's not a bed, that's a raft, which is fine if you're going to build a moat around the diner-
Luke: It's fine.
Lorelai: The kid needs a bed. If you want to get him something inflatable, make it a blonde.
Luke: I'm getting him a bed. This is just temporary.

Lorelai: You should think about this.
Luke: There's nothing to think about. You take care of family. Period.
Lorelai: I respect that. But what if he turns out to be Fredo?
Luke: Are you seriously telling me not to do this?
Lorelai: No, I'm not telling you not to do this.
Luke: Then what are you saying?
Lorelai: I'm just saying that if you need any help, I'm here.