Man: [speaks French]
Michel: No, sorry.
Man: [speaks French]
Michel: Sir, I'm a simple country boy from Texas. I do not understand this Francais business you're babbling about.
Lorelai: Pardon. He knows you are not from Texas.
Michel: Smile when you say that.
Lorelai: Michel, I told you there would be a French group here for a couple days and it's your job to keep them happy.
Michel: Lorelai, I don't know how many French people you've met over the years, but most of them are insufferable.
Lorelai: Really?
Michel: That is why I left France.
Lorelai: Huh. I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers. Michel, talk to them.
Michel: Never. You are giving me that look, aren't you? Your patented "do it or something unspeakable shall befall you" look. [sighs] Fine. I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.

Lorelai: Yes, Michel?
Michel: I apologize for any inconvenience I might be causing your future employment. But your current one is experiencing a problem.
Lorelai: Once again I say, 'Yes, Michel?'
Michel: Are you sure you wouldn't like me to wait?
Lorelai: No, Michel.
Michel: Because learning the eating patterns of the average Taco Bell consumer is a vital lesson that...
Lorelai: Michel, what do you want?
Michel: We're overbooked.
Lorelai: How are we overbooked?
Michel: Well, there are more people here than there are rooms to put them in.

Lorelai: I give up.
Michel: That's the spirit.
Lorelai: I can't remember any of this crap.
Michel: Well, not everyone is cut out to be their own boss. Maybe you are more of a worker bee. A follower, a ticket ripper or the man at the concert with the orange glow stick directing you where to park.
Lorelai: You're baiting me, aren't you?
Michel: No. I seriously have no faith in your aptitude.

Lorelai: Hey, what's with the turkey?
Sookie: Oh, Michel thinks he's going to live forever.
Lorelai: Like on Fame?
Sookie: That's what I said.
Michel: A hundred years from now, I will sit around telling my fellow men of science about the two of you, and we will giggle like little girls at your ignorance. Now I have work to do.
Lorelai: He did say 'giggle like little girls,' right?
Sookie: Forget him.

Michel: Are you going to be down there long?
Lorelai: [o.s.] I just want to make sure Rory's bracelet didn't get kicked behind something.
Michel: And so earlier when you asked me to look for the bracelet and I told you I did look, and I did not find it, you...
Lorelai: Just decided to double-check.
Michel: Yes, though another theory is that you did not believe me.
Lorelai: I did, too.
Michel: No, I believe you thought I was lying that I did not actually get down on my hands and knees in a brand-new Donna Karan suit and crawl around on a floor where people who have stepped in mud and garbage and animal waste have been traipsing all day long.

Michel: Do not talk to my mother ever again. Do you understand me?
Lorelai: No, I don't understand. Michel, you and your mother seem crazy about each other. I assumed, since you gave up carbs a year ago, she knew.
Michel: Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume.
Lorelai: What?
Michel: I don't know. Something about a donkey. It's a stupid American phrase!

Lorelai: Michel, how is the RSVP list coming?
Michel: Well, I must say this has been especially challenging for me. When you are talking about a wedding with up to 40 people all living within a five-mile radius, how can one person be expected to keep track of all of that?
Lorelai: Just an answer will do.
Michel: You know, it got a little hairy there for a moment. I almost needed a second sheet of paper.
Lorelai: I'm not going to let you annoy me out of making you handle it.
Michel: Oh, we'll see.

Tobin: Michel, did you get a bagel?
Michel: I don't want a bagel.
Tobin: Are you sure? They're Kosher.
Michel: I don't eat bagels. Bagels are like glue in your intestines and ensure that everything that enters your body will remain there until you die.
Sookie: Ew. Shut up.

Lorelai: Michel, come on, we've got to get into these budgets.
Sookie: Now.
Michel: Does the red light mean it's programmed?
Sookie: I explained it a hundred times.
Lorelai: Michel, you've been setting that machine for 20 minutes now.
Sookie: The man can't live without his dog show.
Michel: Ugh, I could just kill my cable provider. "No Westminster dog show, but please enjoy Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle 24 hours a day." Ah, there, it's recording.
Lorelai: Well, get over here.
Michel: I just want to see the Chows. Look at that one strut. You know you're a pretty girl, don't you? Yes, with those "I need some loving" eyes.

Michel: I don't understand why you get to bring Rory, and I don't get to bring my Chows.
Lorelai: Because I'm mad with power.
Michel: They are cleaner than she is. They are quieter than she is.
Lorelai: Stop comparing your dogs to my kid.
Michel: As much as you love Rory, that is how much I love Paw-paw and Chin Chin.
Lorelai: I gave birth to her! I carried her inside me, and nine months and twenty-six hours later, she came out!
Michel: If I could have given birth to them myself, I would have. But I didn't have that choice!