Lorelai: Do you want to sit down?
Luke: And then he told me he's going to buy the building next to the diner, turn it into a plate shop for freaks who don't have the brainpower to collect stamps! I lost it!
Lorelai: I can't picture that.
Luke: I walked around in a blind rage. I was crazy. I bought one of those Belgian waffles with ice cream dipped in chocolate.
Lorelai: You ate that?
Luke: No, I didn't eat it.
Lorelai: Of course not.
Luke: I'm upset, not suicidal.

Lorelai: What happened to this place?
Luke: Nothing.
Lorelai: This is what I always pictured the inside of my head to look like.
Luke: See if you can find a brown leather ledger.
Lorelai: I've never seen so much stuff. It looks like a white-trash Hearst Castle in here.

Luke: You've been in there for two hours.
Jess: Well, my hair just ain't bouncing and behaving today.
Luke: There are other people living here, too, you know.
Jess: Huh. You learn something new every day.

Lorelai: What are you doing?
Luke: Watching TV.
Lorelai: That's cute. Is it the first time it's been away from its mother?
Luke: It's a very good TV.
Lorelai: Black and white, coat-hanger antenna, really bad reception.
Luke: It's fine.
Lorelai: Don't you have a fully grown TV upstairs?
Luke: Yeah, well, Jess is upstairs.
Lorelai: So?
Luke: So when Jess is upstairs that means the stereo's blaring and the place is a mess. I just needed a little privacy.
Lorelai: So you came downstairs to sit on an uncomfortable chair in an empty diner that smells like onion rings. Calgon take me away!
Luke: It was very peaceful until two minutes ago.

Luke: I like my apartment.
Lorelai: It's not just your apartment. Jess lives there also.
Luke: Jess is fine.
Lorelai: Are you sure? Because he could be pinned under a box for a year in that place and you wouldn't know it until the neighbors started to complain about the smell.

Rory: So, who are all these people you asked to clean out our gutters?
Lorelai: Oh, well, you know.
Rory: I do?
Lorelai: Sure.
Rory: Remind me?
Lorelai: Well, okay, there's Cid.
Rory: Oh, Cid, right.
Lorelai: And then there's Lou.
Rory: Yeah, a good man, Lou.
Lorelai: Oh, and also Moose, that is if Doris will let him out of the house again after that incident at Chicky's bachelor party.

Rory: People are different once you get to know them. You weren't too fond of Luke at first.
Lorelai: That's not true.
Rory: You called him Duke for two years to make him mad.
Lorelai: And let me tell you, it worked.
Rory: But then you guys talked and eventually, time went by. Now you love him.

Lorelai: So you and Jess aren't friends?
Rory: Yeah, we're friends. I mean we're not good friends, but we're friends. We're friendly. But that doesn't mean that we're friends in the traditional Webster's Dictionary definition of "friends".
Lorelai: Right.
Rory: "Friendish" might be a better term.
Lorelai: Okay. "Friendish". Got it.

Luke: Jess? [music stops] How can anyone sleep through that? It's like the Huns are attacking. Well, you're oblivious. That's why you lie there while the rest of the world is going deaf.
Great. Damn it.
Jess: [wakes up] What the hell!
Luke: I can't stand it! I'm going crazy! This place is awful! I can't live like this anymore.
Jess: Just relax.
Luke: I can't relax. I can't sleep. I'm having nightmares about being chased around by boxes with arms and they tackle me and pile clothing on top of my face and secure it around my head with packing tape and I'm just lying there choking as you sit in the corner laughing, putting gel in your hair with a switchblade!

Jess: Forget it.
Luke: What was wrong with it?
Jess: It was pink.
Luke: We can paint it.
Jess: You mean I can paint it.
Luke: We can paint it together.
Jess: Great. Then we can hold hands and skip afterwards.