Lorelai: So, what's for dessert?
Emily: We're not having dessert.
Rory: We're not?
Emily: I'm on a diet.
Richard: Americans are extremely fat.
Lorelai: I think they prefer Rubenesque.
Rory: You're not fat, Grandma.
Emily: Well, thank you, Lorelai.
Lorelai: She was close.

Lorelai: What if you get kids who are passionate about religion? I mean, you may have kids who want to study the bible.
Lane: Trust me, my kids are not gonna want to study the bible.
Lorelai: You don't know what your kids are gonna want. You think your mom thought she was gonna get a kid who loved Jane's Addiction?
Lane: Well...
Lorelai: You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus, crazy for Deuteronomy, and then what? You want them hiding their bibles under the floorboards?
Lane: Well, look, if my kids want to go to bible study, they can go to bible study.
Lorelai: Well, see? And then what about church? If they want to go to church, you're not gonna let them, even at Christmas, when they have the manger, you know, and the petting zoo with the sheep and the donkeys?
Lane: Well, I might take them at Christmas.
Lorelai: Okay, so when you say they're never going to church, you don't really mean they're never going to church.
Lane: Okay, not never never, but mostly never.

Lorelai: Rory, look at the baby.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: "Buttercup was found cold and wet, hovering under a hydrangea bush along Highway 26." It's a sad highway!
Rory: As compared to all the happy highways she could've been abandoned by?
Lorelai: "Her lineage includes cocker spaniel, golden retriever, Bouvier des Flandres"-
Rory: Gesundheit.
Lorelai: Thank you. "And rottweiler."
Rory: "Buttercup is a special dog. She is extremely skittish and tends to react badly toward blond-haired females, brunette males, children of either sex, other animals, red clothing, cabbage, or anyone in uniform."
Lorelai: [to Luke] Hey, we just found the doggy version of you.

Lorelai: Why? What happened? Did the bag boy try something?
Rory: He's sitting there, and he's watching the movie, and he's perfect, and he smells really good.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: He smells really good, and he looks amazing and I am stupid! I said, "Thank you."
Lorelai: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You said "thank you"?
Rory: When he kissed me.
Lorelai: He kissed you again? What, is he just out of prison or something?
Rory: No, not now. Yesterday, at the store.
Lorelai: Oh, all right. Strike the prison comment.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Plus, I promised the PTA, so my fragile reputation is on the line.
Luke: I think you'll live.
Lorelai: Oh, Luke.
Luke: No!
Lorelai: [as Louis Armstrong] Hello, Dolly!
Luke: Stop that.
Lorelai: This is Louis, Dolly!
Luke: I'll just hang up.
Lorelai: I'll be coming ‘round the diner singing songs.
Luke: Have you been diagnosed?
Lorelai: [normal voice] See you tomorrow at four.

Lorelai: So, Gran, what do you think? I mean, it's not much. Probably too modest for Korn, but Weezer'd be pretty comfortable.

Lorelai: What's this?
Luke: It's what it is.
Lorelai: "A monk, a trunk, and a skunk."
Luke: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Carnak, although I don't have a punch line. Never stopped Johnny.

Rory: [on the phone] Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned.
Lorelai: Oh, really?
Rory: We're spackling.
Lorelai: Oh. Well, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle.
Rory: Have a good spackle?
Lorelai: Spackle on.
Rory: Break a spackle?
Lorelai: Knock on spackle if things work out.

Rory: Just please come back in.
Lorelai: Okay. Let's go, then.
Rory: We can't go back in together. That would be too obvious.
Lorelai: Right. Okay, I'll go in first, and you go to the bathroom.
Rory: Okay, good. Uh, tell him I had to wash my face.
Lorelai: Yes. 'Cause of all the sugar you ate.
Rory: Yes, very good.

Lorelai: So, that went well.
Rory: Yeah, not bad.
Lorelai: Did I humiliate you?
Rory: I don't know. What did you say to him when I went to the bathroom?
Lorelai: That you're pretty.
Rory: Liar.
Lorelai: Yeah, well...
Rory: I'm gonna go to bed.