Kirk: Well, well, well I always suspected this day would come.
Lorelai: Hi, Kirk.
Kirk: You're not getting this seat back.
Lorelai: Huh?
Kirk: You can't, it's mine now and frankly I can see why you hogged it for so long.
Lorelai: What?
Kirk: It's clearly the best stool in the joint. Close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise it's positioned between two air-conditioning vents which creates a nice cross ventilation...

Miss Patty: It's so nice seeing you back in here.
Lorelai: Thanks.
Babette: Been a long time. What 9, 10 months?
Lorelai: Something like that.
Kirk: Actually, I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in her last 'cause I marked it in my calendar. "May 22, 2006, stool available?" It's important to-
Luke: Enough, Kirk.

Paris: Okay. My lucky letter opener. Used it to open the envelope conveying my acceptance to Yale four years ago. And don't look at me like I'm some kind of superstitious freak. It's just a precautionary device. If it works, great. If not, I need it to open letters anyway.

Jackson: What's going on with the car?
Lorelai: Gypsy says I have to put it down.
Jackson: What?
Lorelai: Yes. She said it would be cheaper to get a new one. She used the phrase "total internal destruction."
Jackson: Wow.
Lorelai: I know. I guess that check-engine light is not just a suggestion.
Jackson: Not so much.
Lorelai: Although I'm proud. Total internal destruction, that sounds badass.
Jackson: So what's next?
Lorelai: Uh, I guess I turn my evil power on some new, unsuspecting vehicle.

Lorelai: I'll take my bike.
Jackson: You bike?
Lorelai: Well, I don't bike, but I have a bike. There were about two weeks when Rory was 10 that we were really into biking. Then we got over it and moved on to roller skating, but for those two weeks, it was biking all the way.
Jackson: 12 years ago?
Lorelai: Is that how long ago it was? Oh, well. I'll be fine. They must have the phrase "it's just like riding a bike" for a reason.

Rory: [on the phone] So new car, huh? You should get a DeLorean like in Back to the Future.
Lorelai: It's on the list right behind the Batmobile.

Lorelai: Um, here's one that comes loaded with an entertainment pkg.
Sookie: "Package."
Lorelai: Right. Satellite radio, six-cd changer. I'm just not sure if these are cars or really expensive stereos.
Sookie: Ooh, you should get a convertible.
Lorelai: I'm not a convertible person.
Sookie: What is a convertible person?
Lorelai: You know, too tan, bad hair.

Sookie: What are you thinking?
Lorelai: How about a Mini?
Michel: Oh, how about a Rolls-Royce?
Lorelai: Yeah, I'll consider that.
Michel: Or a Bentley, Aston Martin, Mercedes, a BMW.
Lorelai: What are you doing, just listing expensive cars?
Michel: Take out a second mortgage on your home, it will be worth it.
Sookie: Michel, be quiet.
Michel: People are impressed by fine automobiles. It's how the world works. Don't look at me like that. I didn't make the rules. I just play by them.
Lorelai: Yeah, but you drive a Golf.
Michel: Would you like to give me a raise?

Lorelai: Maybe I'll get a really cool vintage car.
Michel: A used car? You cannot be serious.
Lorelai: What's wrong with a used car?
Michel: Would you buy a used toilet seat?
Lorelai: It's not really the same thing.
Michel: You're sitting in someone else's filth.
Lorelai: With pants on.
Michel: One can only hope.
Lorelai: Ew, Michel.
Michel: You don't know who drove it before.
Lorelai: No, but I think I could have it cleaned.
Michel: Aw, you're right and I'm sure they got out all the sweat, body odor, and head lice that a previous owner deposited.

Paris: I have a really big decision to make, and I'm not about to let him influence it.
Rory: Was he trying to pressure you into staying in Connecticut next year?
Paris: Well, no, not overtly, but it was in the air. And statistically, taking into account my geographic and socioeconomic background, the chances of me remaining with my college boyfriend are slim. So how am I gonna feel in 20 years when I look back and realize that I based such a huge decision on some college guy who may or may not make the holiday newsletter cutoff?
Rory: But you love him.
Paris: Yeah, well, I'll deal.