Lorelai: You're covering for me, remember?
Michel: Oh, yes, that's right. Tomorrow the two of you go back to school.
Lorelai: It's not school, it's a one-day course at the learning center. How to run an inn.
Michel: Yes, amazing you've been able to fake it so long.
Lorelai: This is specific to opening small inns, bed and breakfasts.
Michel: I see. Order half of everything. There. You owe me seventy-five dollars.
Lorelai: Why are you being such a snob about this? You went to hotel school.
Michel: I attended the Ecole Hôtelière de Genève.
Lorelai: Wow, that's gotta make one hell of a sweatshirt.
Michel: It was one of the premiere hotel schools in the world. You two, on the other hand, are going to take a two-hour course at the Radisson.

Paris: Have you looked over the votes for commencement speaker?
Rory: Yeah.
Paris: Are the ones for Princess Diana's butler jokes or real?
Rory: I'd say jokes.
Paris: What about the ones for Dr. Phil?
Rory: I think real.
Paris: I knew that suggestion box was a bad idea. Watch Choate get Joan Didion while we're being read Eloise at the Plaza.

Lorelai: We are so in luck. It was international grab bag night at Al's.
Rory: Cool. Did you peek?
Lorelai: And ruin the whole point of the mystery dinner? I think not. Pick.
Rory: That one.
Lorelai: Okay. I love this. It's food and a game all in one. Now we open them at the same time.
Rory: I know the rules.
Lorelai: And do not jump the gun.
Rory: There's a lot of pressure associated with international grab bag night.
Lorelai: I am your mother, it is my responsibility to give you structure. Now, on three – one, two, three.
Rory: Hmm. Moroccan.
Lorelai: You always say Moroccan.
Rory: And sooner or later, I will be right. What's yours?
Lorelai: Pan-Asian, with a hint of English Colonial, and a few South African influences.
Rory: Way to hedge your bet.

Lorelai: [on the phone] I am not giving a deposition.
Emily: Of course you are, don't be ridiculous.
Lorelai: Please leave me out of this.
Emily: I see. So you're just going to let this lead-footed teutonic chambermaid drag your mother into a public forum and humiliate her, is that it? Is that what I'm hearing?

Emily: [on the phone] Her lawyer knows we asked for this deposition. How do you think it's going to look when you refuse to testify for your own mother?
Lorelai: Like it's none of my business.
Emily: Oh, and I'm sure the twelve rocket scientists they assemble as a jury of my peers will see it that way.
Lorelai: Honestly, Mom, I doubt they'll be able to find twelve people in the state of Connecticut who haven't been fired by you.
Emily: I can't believe my own daughter won't come to my defense.
Lorelai: I'm not gonna lie for you.
Emily: I just want you to tell them how I treat my maids.
Lorelai: I'm not gonna lie for you.
Emily: All you have to do is tell them I treat the help fairly.
Lorelai: I'm not gonna lie for you.

Paris: They took my tray. I can't believe they took my tray. All I did was go up there and tell them I wanted some new asparagus, and they took my tray. Well, I also told them to buy a slightly looser hair net, one that wouldn't squish the part of the brain that can judge depth and measurements, and then they took my tray, but still...

Lorelai: Oh, wow, so you want me to lie.
Rory: No, you don't have to lie. It's all about how you present the truth. For example, you could have said, "My mother is a perfectionist."
Lorelai: Uh-huh. And do you promise to visit Mommy in jail?
Rory: Yes, I do.
Lorelai: Okay, then. My mother is a perfectionist.
Rory: Very good.

Emily: Listen, it's fun. Okay. "Question – Would you say your mother is a tolerant woman?"
Lorelai: Oh, boy.
Emily: "Answer – Um, well, sure."
Lorelai: What? I said you were.
Emily: You said sure.
Lorelai: Which to most people means yes.
Emily: Yes, to most people, it does, but I've heard you say sure, and your sure is always sarcastic.
Lorelai: I do not have a sarcastic sure... Do I?
Rory: Pick spot on carpet and stare.

Emily: Didn't I tell you this was important, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Yes, you did.
Emily: So, in spite of the fact that I told you it was important, you couldn't find it in your heart to put aside your personal antagonism toward me for one day and help me out.
Lorelai: Mom, this is not fair. I said a lot of nice things about you in there.
Emily: Oh, really? "Would you say your mother sets impossible goals which people cannot help but fail to reach, thereby reinforcing her already formed opinion of their deficiencies? Answer – Only for her daughter."
Lorelai: Okay, not there, but keep flipping.

Sookie: Lamb chops with Sicilian olives, rosemary and garlic, a warm potato and chorizo salad.
Jackson: I love lamb chops with Sicilian olives and garlic, and a warm potato and chorizo salad.
Sookie: I know.
Jackson: What's that?
Sookie: Beef jerky.
Jackson: You made beef jerky for me.
Sookie: And there's cornbread, and fried marshmallow pie for dessert.
Jackson: And you have CCR on.
Sookie: Well, you like CCR.
Jackson: I know I like CCR, you don't like CCR.
Sookie: Sometimes I like CCR, and tonight I like CCR.
Jackson: [gasps] You cheated on me!