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Haunted Leg

‘Haunted Leg’

Season 3, Episode 2 -  Aired October 1, 2002

Lorelai is on the receiving end of two unexpected invitations: one to have lunch with her mother, and the otherr to go on a date with Kirk.

Quote from Luke

Luke: You know what helps get rid of a cold?
Lorelai: Endless vague questioning first thing in the morning?
Luke: A healthy immune system.
Lorelai: My second guess.
Luke: And you know how you get a healthy immune system?
Lorelai: Remember when you hated me? That was fun, wasn't it?
Luke: Is it eating nothing but crap all day and blowing out your brain cells with coffee?
Rory: No.
Luke: That's right, no.
Lorelai: Why are you helping him?
Rory: No seemed like the right answer.
Luke: Eat a vegetable now and then, maybe some high fiber cereal in the morning.


Quote from Jess

Jess: You didn't answer me.
Rory: About what?
Jess: Did you call me at all?
Rory: No.
Jess: Did you send me a letter?
Rory: No.
Jess: Postcard?
Rory: No.
Jess: Smoke signal?
Rory: Stop.
Jess: A nice fruit basket?
Rory: Enough!

Quote from Emily

Rory: Mom's business is great, too. I mean, not that it's without its problem, you know, but they're usually funny problems... like... Oh! Mom, why don't you tell Grandma about the mouse?
Emily: What mouse?
Rory: Mom?
Lorelai: There's a mouse at the inn.
Emily: Is the place dirty?
Lorelai: No, it's just surrounded by this thing called nature and... mice happen.
Emily: Mice carry diseases, you know.
Lorelai: It's a tiny little field mouse, Mom.
Emily: I don't care how big it is, it's still a rodent.
Lorelai: Let's just change the subject, shall we?
Emily: You should set a trap.
Lorelai: Got it covered.
Emily: Just make sure you don't use poison.
Lorelai: Got it covered.
Emily: They will eat the poison and then go into the walls and die, decompose, and the entire place will smell.
Lorelai: I've got it covered, but thanks.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Ugh, I hate having a cold.
Rory: I know you do.
Lorelai: It's bad enough being sick, but anybody can have a cold.
Rory: I know they can.
Lorelai: I mean, I'd like to have a good illness, something different, impressive. Just once I'd like to be able to say, "Yeah, I'm not feeling so good, my leg is haunted."
Rory: See, there's a reason why you only take one packet of TheraFlu at a time.
Lorelai: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Quote from Michel

Michel: It ran right across the lobby and into the fireplace.
Lorelai: I don't see it.
Michel: Well, it must've found a hole to crawl into.
Lorelai: We cannot have this mouse running around the inn. Customers will freak.
Michel: Well, tell them it's a baby. People love babies. They'll talk to it in funny voices.
Lorelai: Did you call an exterminator?
Michel: Why, no, what a wonderful idea. I was actually going to fasten a large wedge of cheese to my head and lay on the ground until Mickey gets hungry and decides to crawl out and snack on my face.
Lorelai: When does he get here?
Michel: He said we were the first stop.
Lorelai: What do we do until them?
Michel: Make cat sounds?

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Yes, you are, you're all grown up and soon you'll be going off into the world.
Rory: Not yet.
Lorelai: But soon. And after you spread those wings and fly away, I won't have the opportunity to give you this.
Rory: What is it?
Lorelai: It's your bill.
Rory: My what?
Lorelai: Yeah. I've been crunching the numbers, you know, adding up what you've cost me over the years, raising you, clothing you, feeding you, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Rory: Mmm-hmm.
Lorelai: Yes, I've itemized everything here by years and income ratio. I thought you could factor it into your student loan.
Rory: Oh, boy.
Lorelai: One thing that's painfully obvious here: you've used an extraordinary number of diapers.
Rory: I'm gonna go take a shower.
Lorelai: Really, it's cost a fortune. What were you using all those diapers for?
Rory: I was building my "make Mommy go away" castle.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: We're gonna have to move.
Rory: Okay.
Lorelai: Take off in the middle of the night, leave everything behind, assume different identities. I'll join a local community theater and I'll drive you to soccer. It'll work for many years until the FBI comes to get me, and by that time, you're on your own.
Rory: I don't play soccer.
Lorelai: You do now.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: There goes my little vice president, off to rule the world.
Rory: Well, Paris will be ruling the world. I will be holding her keys.
Lorelai: I'm still proud of you.
Rory: I appreciate it.
Lorelai: Honey, you have power, brains, now all you need is a dimwitted, drunken or drug-addicted relative to constantly humiliate you while you serve in office.
Rory: Will you work on that for me?
Lorelai: Two steps ahead of you.

Quote from Paris

Paris: In the past, all great empires have fallen. The feeling seems to be that it's inevitable. That something like what the Romans built could not last. Maybe they're right. Maybe there is no way of keeping something that big and prosperous permanently. Maybe there is no way of keeping our legacy from becoming obsolete. Well, I intend to fly in the face of such thinking, and damn it, I will succeed. I certainly don't wanna come back here twenty years from now on Alumni's Night and find this place turned into a high-priced charm school, pink and white with big cheerleading megaphones painted on the walls. I wouldn't be able to take it. I would have to dismantle the place stone by stone with my bare hands...

Quote from Paris

Paris: Okay, I'm gonna drop the demand for the librarian's resignation tonight. You wanna read it before I send it?
Rory: Are you sure the first thing you wanna do in office is to get a ninety-three year old woman sacked?
Paris: Hey, at least I'm not putting her on an iceberg and shoving her off to sea, which considering the fact that you can't find the Shakespeare section without psychic powers yet the Cliffs Notes rack practically smacks you in the face on the way in, is totally justified.
Rory: [sighs] And we're off.

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