‘Happy Birthday, Baby’
Season 3, Episode 18 - Aired April 22, 2003
Rory plans a birthday party for Lorelai. Meanwhile, Richard makes an appointment to see Lorelai.
Quote from Jess
Jess: I got the video for tonight.
Rory: What'd you get?
Jess: Almost Famous.
Rory: No, not again.
Jess: I can't help it, I'm addicted.
Rory: Fine, but if I'm going to spend two hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food.
Jess: Oh, come on.
Rory: Hey, last night when we watched Ed Wood we got burgers like you wanted to.
Jess: Okay, fine – tonight, Indian food, but tomorrow, Saturday Night Fever and Thai food.
Lane: That's so cute. You're like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple.
Jess: Thank you very much.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Seventy-five thousand dollars. Seventy-five thousand dollars. Oh my God, that's like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.
Richard: What are Jimmy Choos?
Lorelai: Shoes.
Richard: 150 pairs, that's it?
Lorelai: [gasps] Dad, they're Jimmy Choos.
Richard: For seventy-five thousand dollars, you should be able to buy at least three or four hundred pairs of shoes.
Lorelai: Not Jimmy Choos.
Richard: But that's ridiculous. You are not going to spend seventy-five thousand dollars on Jimmy Choos when you could buy four hundred pairs of less prestigious but I'm sure equally stylish shoes. You will shop around first. Is that clear?
Lorelai: Yes, sir.
Richard: All right, then. It's settled.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: We could buy a boat.
Rory: We could, but why?
Lorelai: Because rich people always have a boat.
Rory: We could park it in the front yard.
Lorelai: Yeah, like white trash rich people.
Rory: God, this is amazing.
Lorelai: No more clipping coupons. No more picking loose change up from the ground. No more driving around looking for cheap gas.
Rory: Which totally defeats the purpose since you wind up using more gas looking for the cheap gas.
Lorelai: Seventy-five thousand dollars. I feel so rich. And suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say.
Quote from Jess
Luke: How was work?
Jess: Well, the cleaned-up version of The Eminem Show seems to be selling pretty well, so the world is basically coming to an end.
Quote from Luke
Luke: Look, I was doing some thinking about your situation.
Jess: My situation?
Luke: Yeah, you know, you're working here, you're working at Wal-Mart, you're dating Rory, going to school. It just seems like a lot. [Jess styles his hair in the mirror] You ever worry that if a bird flies into your head it might never get out again?
Quote from Emily
All: [sing] Happy birthday dear Lorelai, happy birthday to you.
Emily: You can take the cake into the kitchen now, Teresa.
Lorelai: Wait, aren't I supposed to blow them out?
Emily: Oh, Teresa can do that.
Lorelai: Mom, it's tradition for the person whose name is on the cake to do the blowing.
Emily: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought only children liked to do that. Should we bring it back out and relight it?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: Well, would you like to make a wish and blow out the tapers?
Lorelai: Why am I being mocked on my birthday?
Rory: Because that's the Gilmore way.
Emily: Let's move into the living room for our dessert, shall we?
Lorelai: Let's shall.
Quote from Richard
Richard: Here we are, a treat for the masses.
Rory: Smells good.
Richard: Oh, this is my favorite thing to eat as a boy. My gran used to make this for me whenever I was feeling a little sad. You know, if my cricket team lost or a girl I fancied turned up her nose at me.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Well, then load me up because there was this really cute chick at the pharmacy today. I used my best material on her and nothing.
Emily: Richard, at least let Pina serve it.
Lorelai: No comment on my lesbian hilarity. My, how far we've come.
Quote from Emily
Richard: Pina will serve tiny, proper servings. Johnny Machete needs to be presented in a heap.
Rory: Johnny Machete?
Emily: That's the name of this vile concoction.
Rory: It's delicious.
Lorelai: It's not bad.
Rory: It's twelve different colors.
Lorelai: Come on, Mom, eat it.
Emily: It looks like someone already did.
Richard: Emily.
Emily: I'm sorry. I'm happy you're happy, and to prove it, I will take exactly three bites of this before I throw it out.
Quote from Emily
Lorelai: Mom, Dad, we have some really big news.
Rory: I got my college acceptance letters back.
Lorelai: Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.
Rory: And after giving it a lot of thought, I have decided. I'm going to Yale.
Lorelai: Did you hear that, Yale!
[Richard and Emily squirrel food into their mouths]
Rory: I'm going to Yale!
Lorelai: That's where you went, Dad.
Rory: You liked it, remember?
Emily: Pass the Johnny Machete, please.
Lorelai: Pass the...