Emily: I'm trying to help your daughter get an education.
Lorelai: Thank you, she'll find another sport.
Emily: Why should she?
Rory: Because she doesn't wanna go, and Dad doesn't wanna take her.
Emily: Oh, your father doesn't know what he wants. He'd get his hair cut at the butcher's, if I let him.

Lorelai: We brought dessert.
Emily: Really? How thoughtful! What is it?
Lorelai: Blueberry shortcake.
Emily: I've never heard of blueberry shortcake.
Lorelai: Yeah, it's a Stars Hollow specialty.
Emily: Why is it already cut?
Lorelai: It's left over. From the wedding. At the inn.
Emily: I know where the wedding was.
Lorelai: Oh, sorry. You were just doing that staring thing.
Emily: You brought us used dessert?
Lorelai: It's not used. It's left over.
Emily: How nice. I'll just put it in the kitchen next to my half-empty box of cheer.

Emily: [on the phone] You are impossible to reach.
Lorelai: Well, there's no messages on the machine, Mom.
Emily: I don't leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I'd talk to my VCR.

Emily: What are you doing?
Rory: I'm gonna make it.
Emily: Oh, Rory, you're not serious.
Richard: That hardly looks like dinner.
Emily: I agree. Rory, that's food you eat at a carnival or in a Turkish prison.

Emily: You do not go running out the door when a boy honks.
Lorelai: Mom, it's fine.
Emily: It certainly is not fine. This is not a drive-through. She's not fried chicken.
Rory: But I told him to honk and I'd meet him out there. We agreed.
Emily: I don't care what you told him. If he wants to take you out, he will walk up to this door and knock, and say, "Good evening", and come inside for a moment like any civilized human being would know to do.
Lorelai: Now, Mom, this is silly. I have met him already.
Emily: Well, I haven't.
Lorelai: Yeah, but-
Emily: We will wait until he comes to the door.
Rory: He doesn't know he's supposed to.
Emily: He will figure it out. [car honks] [silence] [car honks] He's not a very bright boy, is he?
Lorelai: Mom, please. [doorbell rings]
Emily: Don't rush. A lady never rushes.

Richard: Now, all of our stock information is in there. Plus all of the insurance information.
Emily: Now, if I could just find you some different sheets.
Richard: Our will is in my lower left drawer. Dennis has a copy if there's a problem.
Emily: Maybe I could get Dava to bring some from home.
Richard: Emily, this is serious. We have to be practical.
Emily: I'm gonna have Dava get those sheets.
Richard: Emily, listen to me. If I die-
Emily: No! Richard Gilmore, there may be many things happening in this hospital but your dying is not one of them.
Richard: But-
Emily: No! I did not sign on to your dying, and it is not going to happen. Not tonight, not for a very long time. In fact, I demand to go first. Do I make myself clear?
Richard: Yes, Emily. You may go first.
Emily: Good. I'm gonna get you those sheets. [Richard holds Emily's hand]

Lorelai: Well, pens are very nice, but I just bet there is a fabulous, fancy dessert just sitting out there in that kitchen.
Emily: As a matter of fact, there is. Twinkies.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: Rory told me that was her favorite dessert.
Lorelai: Emily Gilmore, you are one classy broad.
Emily: Antonia, please bring out the Twinkies.
Lorelai: I can't believe I just heard you say those words.
Emily: Well, don't get used to it.

Emily: You know, I can't believe it was 34 years ago that I married Richard. I remember it so distinctly.
Sookie: Ooh, there's going to be a romantic story.
Emily: My stomach was not my friend. It was full of butterflies, I couldn't eat a bite the whole week.
Lorelai: Hmm. What a bummer.
Emily: I was actually weak in the knees, trembling all the time.
Rory: Really?
Emily: When I wasn't actually with Richard, I was thinking about him constantly. Imagining what he was doing, was he thinking about me, making up little scenarios in my head about how we'd run into each other accidentally at the club and he would be playing golf, and I would walk by and he would be so distracted that he'd completely miss the ball. [chuckles] Silly.
Sookie: It's sweet.
Emily: I was in love.
Michel: It is wonderful to be in love.
Emily: But the thing I remember most was that for the entire week before my wedding, I'd wait till my mother went to sleep, and I'd sneak out of bed and I'd put on my wedding dress and my tiara and my gloves and I would stare at myself in the mirror and think how very safe I felt, how very right and wise and honored. This is a very good drink. I highly recommend it.

Lorelai: Mom, there's nothing wrong with getting help.
Emily: Lorelai Gilmore, are you seriously suggesting that your father go to a complete stranger and talk about his personal life?
Lorelai: Lots of people swear by it.
Emily: Yes. Disturbed people. Deviants. People with multiple personalities who see things and hear dogs talking to them and roam the streets talking to themselves and licking parking meters.
Lorelai: Mom.
Emily: Next thing you know, you'll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist.
Lorelai: Too many comebacks. I cannot pick.

Emily: Your father is now the president and CEO of the Gilmore Group, an international insurance consulting firm.
Lorelai: Wow, that's great. So, um, what's the- Like how is- What's his job?
Emily: He's a consultant.
Lorelai: Meaning?
Emily: Your father is an international insurance consultant.
Lorelai: Yeah, yeah, but what exactly does that mean?
Emily: He consults on matters related to international insurance.
Lorelai: Wait. When Dad goes to his new office, he sits down, and he...
Emily: Consults with international clients on insurance matters.
Lorelai: I don't know why we're not opening for Rickles.