‘Emily Says Hello’
Season 5, Episode 9 - Aired November 16, 2004
After Rory suggests that she and Lorelai split up to have dinner with the separated Gilmores, Rory dines with Richard while Lorelai spends the evening with Emily, who announces she is ready to date again.
Quote from Paris
Rory: Okay, the time of today's sunset is four thirty-one.
Paris: Okay. Then I just have to keep my mind occupied until four thirty-one.
Rory: Paris.
Paris: What?
Rory: Tell me again why you're fasting for Ramadan.
Paris: Look, Rory, if you want to crib your articles from the A.P. wire that's your business. I, on the other hand, actually give a rat's ass about journalistic integrity. When I write about Ramadan, I experience Ramadan. Are you chewing gum?
Rory: What? Yes, why?
Paris: I'd really prefer it if you didn't chew it at me.
Rory: Paris, did you know that not eating can make people kind of snippy?
Paris: Ramadan is about a lot more than just not eating. It calls for a total abstinence from food particles passing through the mouth or nose. Your Bazooka is passing through my nose.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: [on the phone] So, which one do you want me to take?
Rory: How about I'll take Grandpa and you'll take Grandma.
Lorelai: Bah! No.
Rory: Okay, then I'll take Grandma, you take Grandpa.
Lorelai: Bah! No.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Can't I take the butler? He doesn't talk much and, as far as I can tell, thoroughly enjoys the way I dress.
Quote from Richard
Rory: Grandpa, it's fine.
Richard: No, it certainly is not fine. When you're entertaining an elegant young lady for dinner, then dinner is to be expected.
Rory: But I just sprang this on you. You can't be held accountable for your lack of elegant-young-lady food.
Richard: Well, I am delighted with your company, though I'm still a little confused at the new arrangement.
Rory: Well, Mom and I realized that we don't really get to spend as much time with you and Grandma since the separation. So we decided to split up.
Richard: Well, how would you feel about some batteries and Nutella?
Rory: Oh, rats, I had that for lunch.
Richard: Well, that seems to be all I have in here. Robert's shopping skills leave something to be desired.
Quote from Richard
Richard: Oh, I think I remember seeing a frozen pizza in here.
Rory: Really?
Richard: Aha! Now the downside of this discovery is since Robert is currently doing all the shopping, this pizza could have been here since Lorelai's tenth birthday party. The upside, however, is that there is cheese in the crust.
Rory: I've always been a "glass-is-half-full" kind of gal myself.
Richard: All righty then. Here goes nothing.
Quote from Emily
Emily: Oh, nothing. I'm just trying to make a proper drink, that's all.
Lorelai: Sorry about the change of plans.
Emily: Oh, please. I'm as flexible as the next person.
Lorelai: See, Rory thought that since Dad's moved out to the pool house, we're not getting enough time with either of you. So-
Emily: I guess I could use the ice in the freezer, though it's probably old. You know what they say, a little notice ensures fresh ice.
Lorelai: I'm sorry, who says that?
Emily: We'll just have to have scotch neat.
Lorelai: Super.
Emily: I'd offer you wine, but all the wine I have has to breathe. That requires notice.
Quote from Emily
Emily: Your father has proven to me once and for all he's moved on with his life.
Lorelai: You don't think that moving on with his life would've actually included moving?
Emily: No.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week. It was a big, formal gala, all our friends were there. And at dinner he made me reach for the butter.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.
Lorelai: And that's why you think he's moved on?
Emily: It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: Well, Mom, I'm sorry.
Emily: Very upsetting. But at some point you have to face facts, and the facts are, he's moved on. And therefore I should move on also.
Lorelai: Absolutely. moveon.org.
Quote from Lorelai
Emily: I think it's time for me to date.
Lorelai: [chokes] Oh, my God.
Emily: I want to go on a date.
Lorelai: With a man?
Emily: No, a weasel. Of course with a man!
Lorelai: I'm not hearing this.
Emily: Well, why shouldn't I date? I'm still a viable commodity.
Lorelai: I need a paper towel and a Valium, please.
Quote from Lorelai
Emily: There are plenty of men at the club who, in the past, have made their interest in me known. I just need to figure out how to reciprocate their feelings. You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?
Lorelai: Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.
Emily: Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this, and I don't remember the proper procedure! Now, take me through this step-by-step. You see a man, you walk up to him and you say...
Lorelai: Hello.
Emily: Is that too forward?
Lorelai: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.
Quote from Lorelai
Lorelai: So I'm thinking you should order the steak sandwich on garlic bread. Thanks. Or fried chicken. Seriously good fried chicken. Or... Yeah, get the pork chops. 'Cause normally eating pork chops is very similar to sucking on the Pottery Barn catalogue, but Sookie does this brining thing in a saltwater bourbon solution, sounds a little like laundry but it's actually unbelievably good.