Michel: If I throw up, do you want it on the bushes or the grass?
Lorelai: Michel, don't you like babies?
Michel: I don't know. I've never been near one. I thought today was my chance.

Lorelai: Are you okay?
Rory: Yeah, I'm the happiest unpublished writer in the newspaper biz.
Lorelai: You are not unpublished.
Rory: I am recently unpublished.
Lorelai: Don't forget your lacrosse-story triumph.
Rory: Yeah, maybe lacrosse is the only thing I'm good at writing about, and I'd never heard of it before I was assigned it.
Lorelai: Now, come on.
Rory: Hopefully, there will be plenty of well-paid, full-time lacrosse-writing positions for me at the major news organizations.

Lane: [on the phone] Earlier today, my mom asked me to wrap something that she wants to send to Dave.
Rory: Is it his birthday?
Lane: No, this was something else altogether. You holding onto your hat?
Rory: I'm not wearing one, but I can pretend to be.
Lane: It's the jug.
Rory: What jug?
Lane: The jug. The big jug. The monumental jug.
Rory: What jug?
Lane: Remember when I was a kid, my mother showed me the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in a long-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boy I'm going to wed?
Rory: Oh, my God. The marriage jug?
Lane: The marriage jug.
Rory: She's sending Dave the marriage jug? What does that mean?
Lane: I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.

Paris: Rory.
Rory: Someone wrote "Die Jerk" on our door.
Paris: I know. I thought maybe the person who did it was back to make good on the promise.
Rory: Who did this?
Paris: I don't know, but we've got to find out and strike back hard. Come on, we're assembling inside.
Rory: [on the phone] Lane, I gotta go. We're assembling.

Paris: It's more than that. This is an assault that should be met head-on using extreme prejudice. Now let's face it, I'm the most likely target, so I've already made up a list of enemies, which I've narrowed down from twenty-six to five.
Janet: Just at Yale?
Paris: Just in this building.
Tana: Maybe we should move.
Paris: Retreat? I think not.

Tana: What about you?
Rory: Me?
Janet: Made anyone mad lately?
Paris: Oh, please, that would be like Dorothy pissing off the Tin Man. It's impossible.

Luke: Look, why are you pressing this?
Lorelai: Because it's weird.
Luke: You think it's weird?
Lorelai: Yes. I am a cross section of the community, and if I think it's weird, then Rory thinks it's weird, and if Rory thinks that, then Miss Patty thinks that, and so on and so on.
Luke: We're just not dealing with it right now. We're just letting things happen as they happen. We're going with the flow.
Lorelai: You're going with the flow?
Luke: We're going with the flow.
Lorelai: Oh, that's so strum your sitar, dig the Maharishi, pass the owsley, summer of love, flower power, hippie-dippie, I can't stand it.

Rory: No, and think about it I bet that more than likely, very few people will even read the review, and most people aren't even interested in ballet in the first place. It's unfortunate and awful and I hate it, but what can you do? It's Avril Lavigne's world, and we're just living in it. Plus, most people left before the end, and I stuck it out. That's something.

Paris: The door thing was about you?
Rory: Apparently.
Paris: [on the phone] The strike is off. Stand down. I repeat, stand down.

Lorelai: Hey, can you thermidor other foods? You know, fish thermidor, Spam thermidor, enchiladas thermidor?
Emily: I don't think so.