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‘Die, Jerk’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

Gilmore Girls: Die, Jerk

408. Die, Jerk

Aired November 11, 2003

Rory tries to find a sharper tone after her article isn't published in the college newspaper. Meanwhile, Lorelai learns that Luke and Nicole are back together, and Mrs. Kim wants to send a gift to Lane's boyfriend Dave.

Quote from Emily

Lorelai: Yeah, the stores you normally have to go to, they're on the internet now.
Emily: But going to a nice store is half the fun of shopping. I like being greeted at the door and the bustle of people and the shoes and clothes all lined up nice and pretty.
Lorelai: That's true.
Rory: Yeah, we like that, too.
Emily: Having someone help you pick out the right thing or help you exchange it if it's not right. With the internet, what do you do? Mail it back?
Lorelai: We usually just forget.
Rory: Yeah.
Emily: So you're just out the money?
Rory: Pretty much.
Emily: I don't get it.

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Quote from Paris

Paris: Hey, hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships and retaliate before the next strike. We gotta go full-out Sharon.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: So, is she moving in with you?
Luke: No.
Luke: What, no?
Lorelai: You're husband and wife. It's not a crazy question.
Luke: No, we're man and woman. We're just seeing each other as if we're not husband and wife.
Lorelai: Oh, well, the state of Connecticut sees it differently, you know. To the state, you're sharing a toothbrush holder and deciding together whether there's enough in the dishwasher to justify running it.
Luke: Hopefully, the state will stay out of my way.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Now, what about taxes?
Luke: What about them?
Lorelai: Well, you file single, jointly? I mean, what do you do?
Luke: That's not for months.
Lorelai: You can't put it off.
Luke: I'm not doing my taxes right now.
Lorelai: Capone?
Luke: What?
Lorelai: They got him for tax evasion.
Luke: I don't plan on evading my taxes.

Quote from Lorelai

Jason: Hey, did you get any flowers lately?
Lorelai: Uh, several times. Apparently, I have a secret admirer.
Jason: I signed all the cards "Jason."
Lorelai: I thought it was Jason Priestley.
Jason: You're disappointed.
Lorelai: No, I just wish I hadn't slept with Jason Priestley.

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: More broccoli, Grandpa?
Richard: Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.
Lorelai: Staves off my appetite.
Emily: You really should eat more green things, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight.
Rory: Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em.
Lorelai: Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables.

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: How was Atlantic City?
Lorelai: Successful?
Richard: Very.
Lorelai: Siskel's chimed in. What about you?
Emily: I'm refraining.
Richard: It's a bit of a sore subject.
Lorelai: We'll talk about something else.
Emily: The garishness, the garishness.
Lorelai: Thus spake Ebert.

Quote from Emily

Emily: Why have a simple sign if it can be in bright flashing neon? And the new slot machines? They don't just make obnoxious bell sounds anymore, they yell at you.
Lorelai: The slot machines were talking to you, Mom? Are you sure it wasn't just you?
Richard: Oh, they talk, I can verify that. One of them kept yelling, "Wheel of fortune!"
Emily: And the parking lot of the hotel that we stayed at had an area for RV's.
Lorelai: Perish the thought!
Emily: And the boardwalk
Rory: Oh, I've always wanted to see the Atlantic City boardwalk.
Emily: I'll save you a trip. Tip an overflowing trash can on your front porch and walk up and down on it.

Quote from Emily

Richard: You mean Jason was in his element.
Emily: He caroused along with the best of them.
Lorelai: You carouse any, Dad?
Richard: I played a little craps, but the tables were ice-cold.
Emily: What's the next outing Jason has planned for your clients, Richard? Spring break in Cancun so you can do shots off people's bellies?
Lorelai: I'm uncomfortable hearing you say that.
Rory: Me, too.
Richard: I can assure you, Emily, that there are no belly shots in our future.
Lorelai: Although doing one off Dad's belly is okay. You're married.

Quote from Michel

Michel: If I throw up, do you want it on the bushes or the grass?
Lorelai: Michel, don't you like babies?
Michel: I don't know. I've never been near one. I thought today was my chance.

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