Lane: You have to look at what a gift says to the other person, not to you. Remember two years ago, I got my mom that perfume?
Rory: Yeah.
Lane: Okay. To me that said, "Hey, Mom, you work hard. You deserve something fancy." To my mother, it said, "Mom, here's some smelly sex juice. The kind I use to lure boys with." And resulted in me being sent to Bible camp all summer.
Rory: Yeah, but-
Lane: Just imagine that you actually gave Dean something really romantic, and he gave you a football. Your hypothetical romantic present is saying that you really like him and his present is saying, "Hey, man, let's just be friends."
Rory: And you're saying that this book-
Lane: Is a Czechoslovakian football, yes.