Quote from Emily in I Am Kayak, Hear Me Roar
Emily: In the meantime, can I offer you a drink? Lorelai: Yes. The usual: Martini up, with a twist. Emily: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not serving alcohol tonight. Lorelai: [to Rory] I told you there was something wrong with my ears. [to Emily] What? Emily: I'm serving nonalcoholic cocktails only. Lorelai: There's no such thing as a nonalcoholic cocktail. Emily: There most certainly is. It's called a mocktail. Lorelai: You're serving mocktails? Emily: Yes. I can offer you a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers. Rory: I'll have a Roy Rogers. Lorelai: Why not a "Howdy Doody" or a "Captain Kangaroo"? Emily: Lorelai, stop being so selfish. We're doing this for your father. After you've had open-heart surgery, alcohol is strictly verboten.