Luke: Please, there is no fate.
Lorelai: What do you mean there is no fate? Of course there is fate.
Luke: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm. Tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis, and the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
Lorelai: I totally knew you were gonna say that.
Luke: I came over here. My fault.
Lorelai: I read your mind. It spoke to me. We're psychic.
Luke: Enjoy the fries.

Lorelai: I've had a business epiphany. It's like I'm Bud Fox, saying, "Thanks for the lesson, Mr. Gekko."
Luke: This will pass, folks.
Lorelai: The Lorelai you knew is dead. Remember her? The eager to please, fresh of face? She thought that success in business meant working hard, applying yourself, and respecting your coworkers, and she preached that to others. Oh, little child.
Luke: You should probably get some rest.
Lorelai: It's about scratching backs, my friend, and kissing things. I won't be graphic.
Luke: It is Sunday morning.
Lorelai: It's dirty, that's what business is. It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches. And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast muppet. You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap. The meek shall not inherit the earth!
Luke: Thanks for the perspective.

Lane: What did you expect him to do, not go to college?
Zach: No true rock 'n' roller goes to college!
Rory: Mick Jagger went to the London School of Economics.
Zach: What?
Rory: Yeah, and, Dexter Holland of The Offspring got his PhD in molecular biology at USC. Greg Ginn of Black Flag graduated from UCLA. The guy from Bad Religion got his masters in geology from UCLA, and he's working on his PhD in evolutionary biology at Cornell.

Lorelai: That is crazy. He knows we always intended to take him with us. I mean, we love Michel, right?
Sookie: Right. He's the best concierge in the world.
Lorelai: Absolutely. A little abrasive.
Sookie: Kind of impatient.
Lorelai: But charming.
Sookie: And great at what he does, knows the community.
Lorelai: Willing to go that extra mile.
Sookie: Tiny bit obnoxious.
Lorelai: Makes you want to scream, "life's too short!" two, three times a day, but...
Sookie: Picture life without him.

Sookie: Scrubbing shower grout with a toothbrush.
Lorelai: Sure, sure. Flossing with that really, really fine floss that cuts between your teeth like a razor.
Sookie: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Staring into the sun.
Lorelai: 'Til you're blind.
Sookie: Absolutely.
Michel: I feel very ugly this morning.
Lorelai: Join the crowd.
Michel: That unpleasant man and his cohort in there?
Lorelai: THey have been for about thirty frickin' minutes.
Sookie: Watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Lorelai: Getting brain freeze from eating ice cream.
Michel: What are you doing?
Lorelai: We're listing all the things we'd rather be doing than this.

Luke: Here we are.
Dean: She's smart, man. You know, she's so smart.
Luke: I know, I know.
Dean: She could probably fix the world, you know?
Luke: Right, right. She could team up with Kyle - her brains, his brawn.
Dean: No, not Kyle. Rory.
Luke: Almost there.
Dean: She's the one, you know?
Luke: Come on, Dean, just slide down there, stop talking.
Dean: And the hair, pretty hair. She has the prettiest hair. And that head. What is that?
Luke: Just your shoes.
Dean: I miss her. [sighs] Why didn't she love me?

Lorelai: Oh, crap!
Rory: What's going on? Is it the smoke detector? Are we on fire?
Lorelai: It's not the smoke detector, it's the alarm!
Rory: What alarm?
Lorelai: Our alarm.
Rory: We don't have an alarm.
Lorelai: Then, we have really angry rats.

Lorelai: Did you cut your hair?
Rory: I just trimmed it.
Lorelai: You didn't tell me you were cutting your hair.
Rory: It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
Lorelai: A spur-of-the-moment, "let's not tell my mother I'm pulling a G.I. Jane"?
Rory: Are we seriously gonna have this conversation now during the air raid?
Lorelai: You're right. Come on.

Rory: When did we get an alarm?
Lorelai: Well, apparently, Kirk-
Rory: Oh, no.
Lorelai: ...has recently joined the Stars Hollow Security Company.
Rory: Oh, no.
Rory: And apparently, now that I'm the pretty spinster living all alone, he's concerned for my safety.
Rory: Did he tell you all this?
Lorelai: Do you think I labeled myself the pretty spinster?
Rory: What did you say?
Lorelai: I haven't talked to him face-to-face. I come home to this and there was a note and his card and his gun.
Rory: Oh, jeez!
Lorelai: Yeah, and then when I called the alarm-response center to complain about the alarm, no one answered. I had to leave a message with Meg. She sweeps up.

Rory: I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here.
Lorelai: Oh, that is not true. Plenty happens here.
Rory: Like what?
Lorelai: Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems.
Rory: I heard about that.
Lorelai: And we have a new mail carrier.
Rory: We do?
Lorelai: Yeah, so now if you wanna get your mail, you just have to go see Miss Patty.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: 'Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew's, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kind of fun.
Rory: I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.