Babette: So I was thinking maybe Rory could come over and housesit for the evening.
Rory: I'd love to.
Babette: Oh, great. We got a kitchen full of food, and Morey got cable so you can watch those four girls talking dirty if you want to.
Rory: Sounds good.

Babette: Look at you being brave like that after all you've been through. It's so hard being a woman, isn't it?
Rory: I guess.
Babette: I mean, you got your morals, your standards, and good common sense and then, bam, you meet some guy, and all that goes right out the window. For every good woman, there's a dirty little wolf ready to lead her astray! You can't help it. He's got the eyes, the chin, chest hair you could carpet your dining room with. I mean, what's a woman to do? We're not made of steel, for God's sakes!
Rory: Babette.
Babette: I was in a cult once! Did I tell you that?
Rory: No.
Babette: I met this guy once. Gorgeous, tan, looked just like Mickey Hargitay. We had coffee. He gave me a pamphlet. Next thing you know I'm wearing a muumuu, playing a tambourine, jumping up and down at the airport!
Rory: I really have to get inside.
Babette: Sure, honey. Take good care of yourself. And don't be embarrassed, toots! This has happened to all of us.

Babette: Hey, doll, how you doing?
Lorelai: Great, Babette. Just tending my bulbs.
Babette: Makes you feel better, doesn't it?
Lorelai: Absolutely, much better.
Babette: You need any help?
Lorelai: Oh, no. I got Rory helping me.
Rory: Hi, Babette.
Babette: Hi, sugar.
Babette: Don't worry, I'm looking out for your mom.
Rory: I'm glad to hear that.
Babette: Oh, and just you wait 'til spring. You're gonna wake up one morning, walk out, and pow, color coming out of your yin-yang!

Babette: The festival should be quite a shindig. Just watching Kirk trying to get those stars hung was worth the price of admission. You know, he insisted on demonstrating the correct way to hang 'em and treed himself. It took the fire department and two cans of tuna to get him down.
Rory: I hate that I missed that.

Babette: Lorelai, hey.
Lorelai: Hi, Babette. Hey, Morey.
Morey: Hey, Lorelai.
Babette: Look at you all dolled up and walking the street. I'm not calling you a hooker or nothing.
Lorelai: Well, thank you.

Babette: Everything's all right between the two of you, isn't it?
Lorelai: Of course it is.
Morey: I hope so. Otherwise Taylor would go crazy.
Babette: He's got all these contingency plans, remember, in case you guys split? He's worried what it would do to the town. Big anal creep.
Lorelai: Well, there's no splitting happening here. Everything's fine.

Taylor Doose: The more charm a town has, the greater its tourism revenue.
Miss Patty: We've got charm.
Babette: Yeah, you wouldn't believe the bikini waxes Lisa's doing at the beauty parlor. Any shape you can imagine. So clever... and charming.

Lorelai: Wow! Looks great, guys.
Babette: [chuckles] Yeah, we made it bigger this year. And we added a great new light effect to help Morey's face look more distorted when he drops because, you know, when you really get hanged, your eyeballs sometimes explode and your tongue splits down the middle. It's disgusting. Wanna see?
Lorelai: Uh...
Babette: Morey, shake a leg.
Morey: Okay. All set.
Babette: Okay, bombs away! Now, remember, you got to twitch around a lot, make the kids think you're dying real slow and painful. Obviously there'll be some blood shooting out, some screams, but you get the picture.
Lorelai: I-I-I do.
Morey: Babette? Tight, babe.
Lorelai: Do you need help, Babette?
Babette: Oh, no, as soon as he passes out, his muscles relax and I can slide him right out. We'll be good.

Babette: I bet you're wondering why I'm here.
Lorelai: Yeah. I mean, not that I'm not happy to see you. It's just that I have to-
Babette: I'm not a sleepwalker.
Lorelai: No?
Babette: In case that's what you were thinking.
Lorelai: No, no.
Babette: 'Cause a lot of people figure me for one, God knows why. I guess I got the look.
Lorelai: Well, you didn't sleepwalk, though.

Miss Patty: It's the ceilings. They're vaulted now, aren't they?
Luke: The ceilings aren't vaulted.
Babette: I got it, it's the curly fries. You never used to have curly fries here before, did you, Luke?
Luke: Always had curly fries.
Babette: I'm telling you, something's different about the place.
Luke: Nothing. Nothing has changed. It's exactly the same.
Miss Patty: He must have done something to the windows 'cause the light is much better now.
Babette: Yeah, it's a lot less gloomy than it used to be.
Luke: An identical level of gloom, people.
Babette: I got it. You got new chairs. I knew my butt felt more comfortable.
Luke: Yeah, your butt feels exactly the same, Babette. Now, would you two can it? I didn't change a damn thing.