Jason: I couldn't believe it. I thought it was one of those crazy, not-so-funny, Billy-Crystal-at-the-Oscars kind of jokes, so I spent the last two hours calling every client I could, and they're all gone.
Lorelai: Oh, Jason.
Rory: The ones I brought in from my father's company, the ones I've brought in since... all gone.
Lorelai: How could he do this? How could my father just take the business from you?
Jason: Oh, no, no, no. He left me the business, but without the clients, the business consists of some stationery, a coffee maker, and some rubber pencil grips.

Lane: [on the phone] I've been replaced. Drop by when you're in town, meet your new best friend.
Rory: Lane.
Lane: Tip her well when she waits on you at Luke's. Head over to the church with her, share a pew.
Rory: Lane.
Lane: My mom has found a new daughter. I bet this one can needlepoint.

Rory: Mom, it's really important to me that you don't back out of Friday night dinners. They're the only time that the whole family gets together. Sometimes it's the only time that I get to see you, and I like having it there. It's really important to me.
Lorelai: Rory, come on.
Rory: I'm serious. Please, just give him a chance to make it up to you. Please. I'll be there. I'll be your buffer.
Lorelai: You will, huh?
Rory: Absolutely. They can focus on me, you can focus on me...
Lorelai: What about when he throws his glass of water in my face?
Rory: Then I will get very wet.
Lorelai: I'm holding you to that.

Lane: Caesar, I need a turkey burger, fries well-done, and I'm still waiting for that grilled cheese and tomato.
Caesar: Patience is a virtue.
Lane: Light a candle, and tell it to the pope. I want my grilled cheese, pronto.

Lorelai: Come on. On a scale of one to a million, how awful do you think tonight's gonna be?
Rory: Well, how high a number did you think the walk up the driveway was?
Lorelai: You know, I wonder which tact my dad's gonna pick tonight. I bet he goes with the silent treatment.
Rory: Or maybe he won't.
Lorelai: Yeah, you're right. He might prefer the full-on, frontal assault. You know, just constant mental flogging right from "ding-dong" through till "drive safe."
Rory: Well, at least he said "drive safe."
Lorelai: Oh, no. It wasn't him. It was the maid.
Rory: Right.
Lorelai: Or maybe Dad will be fine, and Emily will be on the attack. Yeah, a little good cop/bad cop if you know what I mean. Keep me on my toes. I won't be expecting that.
Rory: Except that you are.

Lorelai: You gonna let go of that purse, Mom?
Emily: What?
Lorelai: Well, you're holding pretty tightly to your purse there. You look like someone's Tante Flickman.
Emily: Oh, well, I just... there.

Lorelai: Okay, so every time they ask you about school or traffic, just do a shot.
Rory: Ssh.

Rory: Dessert to go.
Lorelai: As much as the thought of an early end to Friday night dinner and dessert for the road appeals to me, that was just weird.
Rory: She made a tin-foil swan.
Lorelai: What was up with the drinks and the dinner she knew nothing about, and where was she coming from, anyhow?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: She had to "run to the store." Since when?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: And she came back with nothing. Ooh, and the purse. Did you notice the purse?
Rory: They say people change as they get older. I just didn't think it was all in one week.
Lorelai: There is something wrong here.