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A House Is Not a Home

‘A House Is Not a Home’

Season 5, Episode 22 - Aired May 17, 2005

After Lorelai picks Rory up from the police station after she and Logan stole a boat, Rory reconsiders her future.

Quote from Michel

Michel: You're going to sell the inn to Mike Armstrong, and then you're going to go off and have a wonderful life and I'm going to be unemployed. A very attractive asset on the dating scene. You know, we have our own little section at Match.com.

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Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Sorry, sorry, sorry. The inn was swamped. These bikers are like rabbits who don't eat carrots. Too much sugar.
Rory: Mm, sugar!
Lorelai: The fitness craze is completely lost on us.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: We're having a bike race. Bike race through town, first one ever. Taylor's really excited. Maybe Sheryl Crow will come.
Rory: Maybe.
Lorelai: Probably not. I'm running out of small talk, kid. Got to get around to the main event here soon.
Rory: I know.

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: Kirk just came by and gave us a two minute warning. Any idea what he's talking about?
Lorelai: Who ever has any idea what Kirk's talking about?

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: I'm really glad you're enjoying this.
Lorelai: Rory, the penal system is not something we enjoy, it's something with a name that makes us giggle.
Rory: I assume there's Pop-Tarts?
Lorelai: Now, what's on the agenda for today? I hear there's a shipment of plutonium coming in at the docks, and I thought we could dress up as nuns and I could distract them with a fake stigmata, you could shove the plutonium under your habit, and...

Quote from Lorelai

Rory: Thanks for letting me borrow the Jeep.
Lorelai: Figured if I didn't give it to you voluntarily you'd just heist it anyway.
Rory: This bit's going to last for a while, huh?
Lorelai: Mm. Twenty to life. Time off for a well-placed Tom Sizemore Whizzenator joke.
Rory: Don't let the movies fool you, kiddies. Crime doesn't pay.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: Listen, uh, later today I'm going to try and track us down a lawyer. I thought I'd call that guy who got Robert Blake off, what was his name, Houdini? [off Rory's look] What?
Rory: Where are you really going to get this lawyer?
Lorelai: The emergency room. Ambulance dispatch center?
Rory: You're not going to tell-
Lorelai: No. I'm not going to go through Mom and Dad. There's no reason they need to know about this.

Quote from Luke

Luke: What the hell is wrong with them? Why can't they just let the bozo in back of them figure out for himself there's a big hole there.
Taylor Doose: You're awfully crabby for a man whose business is booming because of this race.
Luke: I don't want this kind of business. It's too shiny.

Quote from Lane

Lane: The band's supposed to be your full-time job.
Zach: Lane.
Lane: No, no Lane. You have your Americana banjo band, and you have Century 21, and you have a really stupid hat on. And what do I have, huh? According to my mother I am going to hell for this. That's commitment, my friends! Eternal damnation is what I'm risking for my rock and roll.

Quote from Lorelai

Lorelai: We are booked, booked, booked. I now love bike riders so much, that from now on when driving I will no longer consider how many points I'd get if I took them out.

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