TV Quotes

Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.

Lane: [on the phone] Need I mention the rock 'n' roll casualties from intra-band dating?
Rory: I know they're numerous.
Lane: Not that there's not success stories. I mean, you've got your Cramps, your Yo La Tengo, your Kim and Thurstons.
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Early Years.
Lane: Plus, you've got bands that have survived breakups, No Doubt.
Rory: Wish they hadn't.
Lane: X, Supertramp, The White Stripes. But in the negative, you have...
Rory: Sonny and Cher, the Later Years.
Lane: Jefferson Airplane, Fleetwood Mac. I know of two country music stars whose backup singers shot them in the groin.
Rory: Whoa. That's wicked hate.

Rory: Ready?
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."

Luke: I don't care who's winning.
Lorelai: Well, then you won't care if it's me.
Luke: Well, of course it's you. You're the one who makes the costumes for the Christmas pageant. You make the ornaments for the Firelight Festival. You go to the town meetings. You say hello to people. You have a daughter that looks like she belongs on top of a Christmas tree. Everybody knows that gets you tons of points.

Paris: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?
Rory: Then you'll find someone else.
Paris: But what if there is no one else?
Rory: Then you'll buy some cats.
Paris: I wish I knew if he was right for me, you know? So I don't put myself through all of this for nothing. I mean, women fall for men who are wrong for them all of the time, and then they get sidetracked from their goals. They give up careers and become alcoholics and, if you're Sunny von Bülow, wind up in a coma completely incapable of stopping Glenn Close from playing you in a movie.

Lorelai: I just feel like I need more time.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: I really just feel ambushed, you know? I thought I had so much more... time. I thought I had all summer to impart my wisdom about work and life and your future, and I just feel like I had something to tell you. Oh, on the bus, make sure you choose a good seat, you know because people are creatures of habit, and the seat you pick in the beginning could be your seat for the rest of the year, you know. Get a window seat, honey, 'cause there's so much to see. And you might want to sit in the back of the bus, because people there tend to be more chatty and friendly and... I don't know what it is about the front of the bus, you know, but people there just tend to be a little more bossy and uptight. It's just been that way since first grade. And, honey, I know what you're gonna say, but... Just don't wear shorts, okay, no matter how hot it is. It's not professional, and all that heat and those sticky vinyl seats, it'll be like ripping a band-aid off your thigh every time you stand up. Don't be too shy. Don't be too forward, but don't be too shy, 'cause you make a lovely first impression, but you really grow on people, too.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: You need ziplock bags. You should have them all the time, they're so handy.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: And I'm gonna give you that orange sweater. I know you've wanted it, um, you know what, I'm you know what finally gonna give it to you.
Rory: Mom, you've given me everything I need.