Mr. Zelner: Incidentally, when are you coming back?
Rachel: Today.
Gavin: You said two weeks.
Rachel: No, I said today. See, for a superhero, not so much with the listening.

Phoebe: I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'm just not an actor.
Joey: That's right. You're not. You're a nurse. You're Nurse With Tray.
Phoebe: No, Joey-
Joey: Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey. She doesn't have time for friends. She gets in that operating room and she carries that tray to the doctor because if she doesn't, people die.
Phoebe: Who dies?
Joey: Man With Eye Patch. Now, you get in there, and you do your job.
Phoebe: Yes, doctor.

Phoebe: Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch. Your tray is coming.

Director: And, action.
Phoebe: Yes, I did it. I nailed it. What's next?
Director: The rest of the scene.
Phoebe: Okay, from the top, people.

Chandler: Ross is here, so-
Ross: And I was really hoping that maybe I could hang out. You know, what do you feel like doing?
Monica: Well, we're gonna have sex.
Ross: I don't feel like having sex. Uh, maybe- I don't know. Maybe we can watch a movie or something.
Monica: Let me put it this way: We're having sex whether you're here or not.
Ross: Pants off, Bing.

Director: Cut! Cut! What are you doing?
Phoebe: Well, I'm very angry at him because he slept with me and never called me back.
Woman: Me too.
Woman: Me too.
Joey: Oh, calm down. She means on the show. We need some new extras around here.

Joey: Hey, Listen, Pheebs. I was just talking to the director and he was thinking maybe this time you don't hit Drake. You just wait on the tables.
Phoebe: I can't do that. I'm an actor. I have a process.
Joey: You're a masseuse. You have a table with a hole in it.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, I see what's happening here. You're threatened.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: Yeah. I'm so good in the scene that I'm stealing focus from you. Well, rise to the challenge, Tribbiani, because I just raised the bar. Come join me up here.
Joey: [to the Director] Yeah, you can fire her, but I would call security. She won't go easy.

Chandler: I'm not saying I don't want a baby. I'm just saying maybe we could wait a little while.
Monica: Like a month?
Chandler: Or a year?
Monica: Really? You wanna wait a year?
Chandler: Well, it could be less than a year. I mean, you've heard my stuff. "Pants. Like shorts but longer." It'll probably be more than a year.

Steve: I think we might have something for you at the agency.
Chandler: Really? That's great.
Steve: It's an unpaid internship.
Chandler: That's funny. When you said "unpaid," it sounded like you said "unpaid."
Steve: Come on, now. Monica has a good job. It's not like you have a family to support.
Chandler: Actually, we're trying. And I don't think Monica is gonna want to postpone it. We're supposed to have sex tonight. Actually, she's probably at home, naked right now. I tend to keep talking till somebody stops me. I can just picture her on the bed.
Steve: Stop!

Monica: Good morning, tiger. I'm making you a nice big breakfast, so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant.
Chandler: I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.
Monica: Well, I just lost my erection.
Chandler: No, I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself?
Monica: You're supposed to find your passion in life. You can be whatever you want to be now. It's exciting.
Chandler: Yeah, but it's all so overwhelming. I don't know where to start.
Monica: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. Okay, we can make a list of your qualifications and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files-
Chandler: Hey, this is where your hyper-organized pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off.
Monica: I know! My erection is back!