‘The One with Two Parts: Part 2’
Season 1, Episode 17 - Aired February 23, 1995
After Rachel injured herself finally taking down the Christmas lights, Monica takes her to the hospital and finds out Rachel doesn't have any insurance. The pair swap identities so Rachel can be treated on Monica's insurance, but when they meet a pair of attractive doctors they're forced to keep up the deception longer than they anticipated.
Meanwhile, Phoebe tries to soften the blow for Joey when Ursula decides to end their relationship without even telling him, and Ross questions whether he will ever feel like a father.
Quote from Ross
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler: That's nice.
Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something because the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinking they can take us. And so I, uh, heh I just heave it downfield.
Chandler: What are you, crazy? That's a baby.
Joey: He should take the sack?
Ross: Anyway, suddenly I'm downfield. And I realize that I'm the one who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there's no way I'm not gonna get there in time. So I am running and I'm running and that is when I woke up. See, I am so not ready to be a father.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?
Dr. Jeffrey Rosen: Excuse me?
Rachel: God, young, young. I meant young, heh. Young to be a doctor.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Uh, you left out the stupid part.
Rachel: It's not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow night, and I said yes.
Monica: I think it's totally insane. I mean, they work for the hospital. It's like returning to the scene of the crime.
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: I hope it's okay.
Chandler: "Happy Birthday, Peehee".
Quote from Ross
Monica: Maybe we can make a B out of one of those roses.
Ross: Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario: Say you never feel like a father.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you as one. Say all of his relationships are affected by this.
Ross: Do you have a point?
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Name. Address. Okay. In case of emergency, call?
Rachel: You.
Monica: Really?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh, that is so sweet.
Quote from Joey
Chandler: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.
Joey: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: So, what are you gonna do?
Joey: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with Ursula.
Chandler: And your friend Phoebe?
Joey: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't you guys?
Chandler: Man, if you tried that on my birthday you'd be staring at the business end of a hissy fit.
Quote from Rachel
Monica: I say we blow off the dates.
Rachel: What? Monica, they are cute. They are doctors. Cute doctors. Doctors who are cute.