‘The One with the Worst Best Man Ever’
Season 4, Episode 22 - Aired April 30, 1998
Ross regrets making Joey his best man when he reveals that a stripper might have stolen his engagement ring. Meanwhile, Rachel and Monica throw a baby shower for a supremely unhappy Phoebe.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet.
Monica: Phoebe's going to love dressing them in these.
Rachel: Except Phoebe's not going to be the one who gets to dress them.
Monica: I guess she's not gonna get to keep the babies.
Rachel: Oh, my God, we are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever.
Quote from Rachel
Monica: Unless we give her all gifts she can use after her pregnancy. Like regular coffee. Tequila.
Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get her those leather pants that she's always wanted.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: What the hell is this? You actually thought it'd make me feel better? To give me something I can't even use for another two months? This sucks. All right, what's my next present?
Quote from Joey
Joey: Hey, museum geeks, the party's over. Wave goodbye to the nice lady. Okay, back to your parents' basement.
Quote from Joey
Ross: Not on you, on the stripper.
Joey: I already did that. They said they'd look into it after they solve all the murders.
Ross: We'll call the company that sent her.
Joey: I did that too. They wouldn't give me her real name. They said if I bother them again, they'd call the police. I said, "You talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring."
Quote from Joey
Joey: Okay, Chandler, this is great. You get behind the desk and when she comes in, she won't recognize you because- Well, why would she? Okay. And then you buzz Ross and l. You be Mr.
Gonzales, and I'll be Mr. Wong.
Ross: Diverse.
Quote from Chandler
Stripper: Look, I don't need to steal a stupid ring. I make $1,600 a week doing what I do. Any of you guys make that?
Chandler: Marry me.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: I still don't get how you know it's false labor.
Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies?
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: I mean, you're not going to be the one worrying about saving for college. Or yelling at them when they're bad. You know? Or deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down.
Monica: You'll be the one they come to when they run away from home. The one they talk to about sex.
Rachel: You just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool.
Rachel: And you know what else? Oh, my God, are they going to love you.
Phoebe: They are going to love me. Thanks, you guys.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: I can't believe I'm going to have a party. That's so great. A party! Yay! Ha, ha, ha- [crying] I don't know why.