Rachel: So no brothers or sisters, huh? You know what, I had two sisters and we just tortured each other.
Ben: Really? Like how?
Rachel: Well, you know, we would, um we'd repeat everything the other said, or we'd jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar with salt so they put salt on their cereal.
Ben: That's a good one.
Rachel: Yeah, you like that one?
Ben: Yeah, you're funny.
Rachel: I'm funny? Oh, thank God.

Joey: Then let me do it.
Chandler: Joe-
Joey: No, I've been thinking. I'm an actor, so I won't get nervous in front of people. I won't spit and I won't stare at Monica's breasts. Everyone knows I'm an ass man.
Monica: That is true.
Joey: But the most important thing is, it won't be some stranger who barely knows you. It'll be me. And I swear, I'll do a really good job. Plus, I love you guys and it would really mean a lot to me.

Joey: Okay, I gotta get started on my speech. Wait a minute. Internet ministers can have sex, right?
Chandler: Yeah.

Ross: I have a bone to pick with you.
Rachel: Uh-oh.
Ross: Yes. Ben learned a little trick.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, did he pull the old?
Ross: That's right, that's right. Saran wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere.
Rachel: Oh, that.
Ross: Yeah, that. You know I hate practical jokes. They're mean and they're stupid and I don't want my son learning them.
Rachel: Come on. Saran wrap on the toilet seat? You don't think that's just a little funny?
Ross: I was barefoot.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Now, tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him, right?
Rachel: Yes.

Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani.
Monica: You did it? You got ordained?
Joey: Yeah. Just got off the Internet. Man, there's a lot of porn out there.
Chandler: Our minister.

Carol: Hey, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi.
Carol: What a nice surprise. What are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, you know, I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and thought to myself, "What's up with Carol and sweet little Ben?"
Carol: That's nice. Well, come on in.
Rachel: Okay.
Carol: I'll make some coffee and we can chat.
Rachel: I'd love that. I would love that. So where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little-
Ben: Argh!
Rachel: I found him. Very funny. Come here. That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you, okay?
Carol: Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee?
Rachel: Yes- Do I want sugar in my coffee? [Ben shakes his head] No, just some milk would be good, Carol.

Rachel: Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?
Ben: "Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday?"
Rachel: Don't do that.
Ben: "Don't do that."
Rachel: Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks.
Ben: "Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks."
Rachel: Oh, damn it.
Ben: "Oh, damn it!"
Rachel: No! Don't say that. Don't say that.
Ben: Damn it!
Rachel: Go back to repeating.
Ben: Damn it!
Rachel: Oh, crap.
Ben: "Oh, crap!"

Joey: Okay, guys, I got a little more written, ready?
Chandler: Yeah, okay.
Joey: "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share I ca not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and-" And then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How about "receiving"?
Joey: Yes!

Chandler: See, Joe, not that that's not great but one cool thing about having someone we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us. You know, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us.
Joey: Ooh, okay. Maybe I'll talk about London, when you hooked up. Only I won't say "hooked up" I'll say, "began their beautiful journey-"
Monica: There you go.
Joey: "- by doing it."

Joey: So how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room and then the next think you know, you're in the bathtub and she's feeding you strawberries?
Chandler: Isn't that what happened with you and the bridesmaid?
Joey: Yeah! I call that "London style."