Ross: What was the deal with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Phoebe: That was so weird, huh?
Ross: Why did you do it?
Phoebe: I didn't do it. It was Chandler. He's mad at you.
Ross: What? Why?
Phoebe: Oh, please. I think you know why.
Ross: I can't think of anything.
Phoebe: Come on, Ross. You're a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.

Phoebe: Something's missing. Okay, let me see the ring that my friend picked out.
Jeweler: Where's the 1 920s princess-cut ring?
Sales Woman: I just sold it to that gentleman.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. Wait, stop. [Alarm blares, iron bars trap Phoebe] Let me out! Now! [Phoebe aims the musket at the jeweler]

Phoebe: Have you told anyone else?
Chandler: No, I haven't told anyone else because I don't want Monica to find out.
Phoebe: You told me.
Chandler: Well, that's because I trust you, and we're friends, and you walked in on me while I was looking at ring brochures.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, once again, not knocking pays off. I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet.
Chandler: Me too.

Phoebe: So how are things going with Paul?
Rachel: Good. Although, you know, he's a private guy. I wish I could get him to open up. Share some feelings.
Phoebe: That's easy. You just have to think of him as a jar of pickles that won't open.
Rachel: So what are you saying? I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
Phoebe: No, that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.

Ross: Wait a minute. Is it because Joey and I didn't invite him to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago?
Phoebe: You think that's something that he would be mad at you for?
Ross: I guess it could.
Phoebe: Well, then I think that's it.
Ross: You know, if he's angry, he shouldn't just cover it up. I wish he'd just tell me the truth.
Phoebe: Oh, well, if that's what you want, you really should run him under hot water and bang his head against the table.

Rachel: Then how about puberty? Come on. That's always a painful time. You know, your friends invite you to a slumber party and then they stick your hand in warm water while you sleeping so that you pee in your sleeping bag.
Paul: No, that never happened to me.
Rachel: Well, you're lucky you never met that bitch, Sharon Majeski.

Phoebe: So maybe you don't get her a ring. Maybe you do something different. An engagement bracelet. Or an engagement tiara. An engagement Revolutionary War musket.
Chandler: You know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Can't you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?

Chandler: How much is it?
Phoebe: Chandler, I will handle this. How much is it?
Jeweler: $8600.
Phoebe: We will give you $10.
Jeweler: Are you interested in this ring?
Chandler: Yes. Yes. But I can only pay $8000.
Jeweler: Okay. I can let it go for 8.
Phoebe: We stand firm at $10.

Ross: Remember how Chandler and Phoebe blew us off yesterday?
Joey: No.
Ross: Remember, you were eating pizza?
Joey: Yeah.

Ross: Apparently Chandler's angry at us for not getting him a ticket to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
Joey: We were supposed to just get him a ticket? That guy is always mooching off of us.