‘The One with the Pediatrician’
Season 9, Episode 3 - Aired October 10, 2002
Rachel searches for another pediatrician after her endless worries led their original doctor to "fire" them. After agreeing to move to Tulsa with Chandler, Monica is offered her dream job in New York. Meanwhile, Phoebe and Joey agree to set each other up on blind dates.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Rach, you don't have to call him whenever you have a little question, okay? Trust me. I know this.
Rachel: All right. I trust you.
Ross: Rachel, I can see you dialing. I don't understand why-
Rachel: Ssh. I'm on the phone!
Quote from Joey
Phoebe: All right, let's see. You know who's great? Sandy Poopack.
Joey: [laughing] "Poopack"?
Phoebe: Yeah. All right. Well, that rules out Lana Titwyler.
[Joey laughs]
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Hey, I've got good news.
Monica: You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?
Chandler: Okay, I have news.
Quote from Monica
Chandler: My boss and I worked out a deal where I'm in Tulsa four days a week. So the other three, I can be here with you.
Monica: So you're gonna be gone four days a week? No.
Chandler: I'm sorry, are you just used to saying that?
Monica: No. I can't be away from you for that long.
Chandler: Really?
Monica: Yeah, you're my husband. I'm not going to live in a different state than you for ... 208 days out of the year.
Chandler: That's fast math. We could use you in Tulsa.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Honey, thanks for trying to figure out a way, but if you're going to Tulsa, I want to go with you.
Chandler: Hey, you said that without gagging.
Monica: I know!
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Well, excuse me? Oh, yeah? Well, up yours too!
Ross: Who the hell was that?
Rachel: Dr. Wiener.
Ross: Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning.
Rachel: You know what? You sound just like his wife.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: What are we gonna do? We have to find a pediatrician. Oh, wait. Wait, Monica said that when you guys were growing up you really liked your doctor. What was his name?
Ross: Dr. Gettleman? Yeah, no, I don't think that's a good idea. In fact, I think he's dead.
Rachel: Ugh. Why does everything happen to me?
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: [in a squeaky voice] Wiener! Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!
Ross: Rachel!
Rachel: Great. Now he's gonna know it was me.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: And you'll love Mary Ellen. She's really smart and cute and funny and I can't tell you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.
Quote from Joey
Phoebe: So tell me something about my guy.
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Come on, give me something. What's his name?
Joey: Mike.
Phoebe: Mike. Okay, what's his last name?
Joey: Damn it! Is there no mystery left in romance anymore?!