‘The One with the Mugging’
Season 9, Episode 15 - Aired February 13, 2003
After Phoebe and Ross are almost mugged in the street, Phoebe comes clean about a dark time in her life. Meanwhile, Chandler starts an unpaid internship in the advertising industry, and Joey develops a new acting technique.
Quote from Chandler
Jordan: Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I'm an intern, just like you guys. Except for the tie, the briefcase and the fact that I can rent a car.
Jordan: Seriously, you're an intern?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I'm kind of heading in a new career direction and you gotta start at the bottom.
Jordan: Dude.
Chandler: All right, look, I know I'm a little bit older than you guys, but it's not like I'm Bob Hope. ... The comedian. USO.
Jordan: It's U.S.A., sir.
Quote from Joey
Joey: It is so amazing to meet you. I am such a big fan of your work.
Leonard Hayes: Well, I've been blessed with a lot of great roles.
Joey: Tell me about it, huh? "Unlimited nights and weekends!"
Leonard Hayes: Are you making fun of me? Because I am not a sellout. I didn't do that for money. I believe in those phones. I almost lost a cousin because of bad wireless service.
Joey: No, I wasn't making fun of you. Honestly, I think you were great in those commercials.
Leonard Hayes: Really?
Joey: Yeah.
Leonard Hayes: Well, I do bring a certain credibility to the role.
Joey: Are you kidding? When they shoot you out of that cannon-
Leonard Hayes: "Hang up that phone!" One take.
Joey: Wow.
Quote from Joey
Leonard Hayes: You don't want me to do it again?
Joey: I could do an accent.
Leonard Hayes: No.
Joey: You know, Southern. [in a Jamaican accent] "I could go right now, mon!" Huh?
Leonard Hayes: My God in heaven.
Quote from Joey
Female Producer: Leonard, can we talk to you for a moment?
Leonard Hayes: Yes? You've got to be kidding. See, he can't act. Hey, I don't care if you think he's hot. You know, if you want to sleep with him, do it on your own time. This is a play. No, listen. If you insist on this I will call my agent so fast on a cell phone that has a connection that is so clear, he's gonna think I'm next door.
Joey: Hi, thank you so much for whispering for my benefit. Look, if you just tell me what I did wrong. I'd love to work on it and come back and try it again for you. [to the female producer] And also, how you doin'?
Quote from Joey
Leonard Hayes: Well, if you want to come back at the end of the day today here are my notes. Ready?
Joey: Yeah.
Leonard Hayes: You're in your head. You're thinking way too much.
Joey: I really doubt that.
Leonard Hayes: No, no. It's that you're not connected with anything in your body. There's no urgency. The scene is a struggle. It's a race. Also, what you did was horizontal. Don't be afraid to explore the vertical. And don't learn the words. Let the words learn you.
Joey: Couldn't I just sleep with the producer?
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Hey, do you want to go to dinner tonight?
Ross: I can't. I've got a date with that waitress, Katie. I know we've only gone out, like, twice, but I don't know, I have a good feeling about her.
Phoebe: Oh, I hear divorce bells.
Quote from Ross
Phoebe: I'm sorry. Ross, this is my old friend, Lowell, from the streets. Lowell, Ross.
Lowell: Ross, nice to meet you.
Ross: Yeah, a real pleasure.
Quote from Monica
Monica: How'd the audition go?
Joey: Well, they want to see me again this afternoon, but, boy, Leonard Hayes did not like me.
Monica: What happened?
Joey: He said I wasn't urgent enough, you know. And that everything I did was horizontal [Joey makes a vertical gesture], and I should be more vertical [Joey makes a horizontal gesture]. Oh, and he said that I should think less.
Monica: Well, so far so good.
Quote from Joey
Monica: What are they?
Chandler: They are these prototype sneakers and I need to come up with ideas on how to sell them. Which I can't do because no self-respecting adult would ever wear these.
Joey: I'll give you $500 for them.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: What am I supposed to do with these?
Monica: Come on, sneakers are easy. You wear sneakers all the time.
Chandler: Well, first of all, they're not called sneakers anymore. Apparently, they're called "kicks" or "skids." And I think I heard somebody say "slorps." Here, look, they've got wheels that pop out from the bottom so you can roll around because apparently walking is too much exercise. "Kids! Kids! Roll your way to childhood obesity!"