‘The One with the Morning After’
Season 3, Episode 16 - Aired February 20, 1997
The night after Ross and Rachel's big fight, he wakes up to another woman in his bed. After Rachel calls him hoping to patch things up, Ross tries to keep her from finding out about his one-night-stand.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Hey. Why are you mopping your ceiling?
Monica: There's banana on it.
Phoebe: Wow. I have the spirit of an old lndian woman living in mine.
Monica: So, then, you know.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Do you think it really doesn't hurt? Because how can they do that?
Monica: Hello. Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of the rain forest?
Phoebe: They have the best stuff in there.
Quote from Ross
Chandler: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Joey: We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you should have done.
Ross: You think?
Quote from Chandler
Ross: I mean, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all "I love you," and all I can think about is what is she gonna do when I tell her what I did?
Chandler: Well, before we answer that. I think we should address the more important question, how dumb are you?
Quote from Monica
Monica: But you know, if you don't believe me, please, be my guest.
[Phoebe pulls a strip and screams]
Phoebe: Ow, ow, ow, ow. Oh my God!
Monica: Now are you glad we didn't start with the bikini strips?
Quote from Ross
Ross: But see, I happen to have a girlfriend.
Isaac: Right. That Rachel chick from the coffee place.
Ross: That's the one. Listen, I don't want to hurt her.
Isaac: Oh, I know. It doesn't matter how much we love them. Monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Ross: Listen, can you keep this information to yourself?
Isaac: No problem. We gotta look out for each other. We're the same, you and me.
Ross: Actually, no, we're not.
Isaac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not.
Isaac: Yeah, we are.
Ross: No, we're not.
Isaac: Okay, we're not.
Ross: Right.
Isaac: But we are.
Ross: Fine. I just need to know that you're not going to tell your sister.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Jasmine? We met at Phoebe's birthday party. I'm Ross Geller.
Jasmine: You did a bad thing!
Ross: Yes, I did.
Jasmine: Very bad!
Ross: Very bad.
Jasmine: Very, very bad!
Ross: I'm agreeing with you. Listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
Jasmine: No.
Ross: Okay, Jasmine, please. Please don't. I love my girlfriend very much and I want nothing more than to work it out with her.
Jasmine: All right.
Ross: Thank you. Thank you.
Jasmine: But you should probably talk to my roommate. Because I told him, and he knows Phoebe too.
Ross: Who's your roommate?
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: We're all right.
Monica: It's okay. It's okay. We were just waxing our legs.
Chandler: Off?
Phoebe: For your information, this is a pain like no man will ever experience.
Chandler: Yeah, well, I don't think you can make that statement unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant to be treated nicely.
Quote from Joey
Joey: I think women just have a lower threshold for pain than men, that's all. I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah? Come here.
Chandler: Oh, that's mature.
Joey: Okay, fine. So now what, I just pull it off?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: That's right.
Joey: [whimpers]
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk-
Monica: [gasps] You guys knew about this and didn't tell us?
Chandler: He has sex and we get hit in our heads!