Ross: Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Joey: Really? Guys do that? That's weird.
Ross: Thank you.
Joey: Yeah, that's like a woman wanting to be a-
Ross: What? What's the end of that sentence?
Monica: Yes. What is the end of that sentence?
Joey: Um... a penis model.

Joey: Anyway, did you tell Chandler that some guy from work is the funniest guy you ever met? Monica: Yeah. So?
Ross: Wow.
Joey: Really? Do you not know Chandler?

Joey: Being funny is Chandler's thing. You know, like Ross's thing is...
Ross: Science? Academia? Being a good father?
Joey: No.

Chandler: What are you guys talking about?
Ross: Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
Chandler: You got a man who's a nanny? You got a "manny"? [Monica laughs, Ross and Joey follow] You know, I don't mind a male nanny but I do draw the line at male wet nurse.
Monica: Oh, oh. You are on a roll, mister.
Chandler: If I'd known you guys were coming over, I would've brought more pizza.
Monica: Okay. Okay. Stop it, you. You stop it.
Chandler: What is so funny about that?
Monica: I don't know, it's Just the way you say it. I mean, you're funny. You have that funny thing. You're a funny guy.
Chandler: Did you tell her what we talked about?
Joey: [laughs] Yeah.
Chandler: So those were pity laughs? Pity laughs?!

Monica: Honey, listen. You have nothing to worry about with Jeffrey.
Chandler: Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me?
Monica: Well, you're different funny. I mean, you're more sarcastic. And, well, he does bits and impressions and limericks.
Chandler: I do limericks. Uh, there once was a man named Chandler whose wife made him die inside.

Monica: You know that joke you told me last week? The one about Jerry Lewis and the girl with the lazy eye. That slayed me.
Ross: Hey. I made up that joke and told it to you.
Joey: Not knowing when to shut up.
Ross: Yep, that's my thing.

David: Yes, but you should know, she really likes you. In fact, I don't think you realize just how lucky you are, fella.
Mike: Don't point your finger at me.
David: Why? What are you gonna do about it?
Mike: Well, I'll show you what I'm gonna do about it.
David: Oh, really? Really?
Mike: You want some of that?
Phoebe: Stop it! Stop it! Before someone gets really hurt. Here, David, you should just go.
David: All right. But if I ever do come back from Minsk, well, you just better watch out.
Mike: Well, if I ever go to Minsk, you better watch out.
David: Oh, you're going to Minsk?
Mike: Well, I might.
David: Really? Well, if you do, come in the spring. It's just lovely there.

Ross: You know, I'm just not that comfortable with a guy who's as sensitive as you.
Sandy: That's fair. Although, can I ask, why do you think that is?
Ross: Why? I don't know. Um. Maybe because of my father? You know, when I was growing up, he was kind of a tough guy. You know, and as a kid, I wasn't the athlete I am now.
[Rachel laughs]
Ross: I play squash! Anyway, I always got the feeling he thought I was too sensitive.
Sandy: That must have been hard.
Ross: It was hard. I remember I was in my bedroom, playing with my dinosaurs. Playing and learning. And my father walks in and says, "What are you doing with those things? What's wrong with you? Why aren't you outside playing like a real boy?"
Sandy: But you are a real boy.
Ross: I know I am. And when it's summer and it's hot, why can't you wear a tank top?
Sandy: It's all right. Crying is good. It lets the boo-hoos out.
Ross: Here comes some more!

Sandy: And what's the one kind of boat that can never ever sink?
Joey: What kind?
Sandy: A friend ship.
Joey: Wow. You blow my mind.
Sandy: I gotta go.
Joey: How much do I owe you?
Sandy: Twenty bucks.
Joey: It's like the cheapest college ever.

Monica: What are you gonna do?
Phoebe: I mean, I guess I just have to tell David that nothing can happen between us. Unless I don't. You know, complicated moral situation? No right, no wrong?
Monica: You have to tell David.
Phoebe: Okay, I knew I should've had this conversation with Joey.