‘The One with the Ick Factor’
Season 1, Episode 22 - Aired May 4, 1995
The group mock Monica after she admits she lied about her age when she started dating a younger man, but she's surprised to find out she wasn't the only one who lied. Meanwhile, Ross is envious when Rachel reveals she's been having erotic dreams about Chandler and Joey, and Phoebe takes a job as Chandler's secretary.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: You have to give them something. That was Gerston, Santos, and who's the other guy?
Phoebe: Petrie.
Chandler: Petrie. Right, okay. Well, some people are gonna be working this weekend.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Ooh, give me. Can you see me operating a drill press?
Joey: I don't know. What are you wearing?
Ross: Phees, why would you want to operate a drill press?
Phoebe: Just for some short-term work. You know, till I get back some of my massage clients.
Chandler: Pirates again?
Phoebe: No. Nothing like that. I'm just such a dummy. I taught this "Massage Yourself at Home" workshop. And they are.
Quote from Ross
Ross: [on the phone] Yeah, hi. I was just beeped. No, Andre is not here. Third time today. Yes, I am sure. I do not perform those kind of services.
Joey: Services? Oh, services.
Ross: Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. That's right. That's right. JUMBO with a "U," sir. No, believe me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. Alrighty, bye-bye.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Oh, God. I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad. I'm Joan Collins.
Ethan: Who?
Quote from Monica
Rachel: What are you playing with?
Ross: Oh, it's my new beeper.
Joey: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper?
Monica: Is it, like, for dinosaur emergencies? "Help. Come quick. They're still extinct."
Quote from Rachel
Joey: So, tell me, was it like you and Chandler, then you and me, or you, me and Chandler?
Rachel: You know what?
Joey: What?
Rachel: There were times when it wasn't even me.
Phoebe: That is so sweet, you guys!
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Hey, have you guys tried out those new hand dryers in the bathroom?
Ross: I thought that was just a rumor.
Joey: True story.
Quote from Phoebe
Chandler: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: Oh, don't feel bad. They used to like you a lot. But you got promoted, and now you're Mr. Boss Man. Mr. Big. Mr. Bing. Boss Man Bing.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: I gotta go. [stands up] Ooh, head rush. One more, and then I have to go. [sits down and stands up again] Ooh. Cool.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Hey, Chan, she could work for you.
Chandler: Thanks, Joey. That's a good idea.
Phoebe: What? I could. I could do it. What is it?
Chandler: Well, my secretary's gonna be out for a couple of weeks. She's having one of her boobs reduced. It's a whole big boob story.