Phoebe: I've made my decision. What I really want is a great big wedding.
Monica: Yay!
Chandler: But you already gave all the money to charity.
Phoebe: Well, I'll just ask for it back.
Chandler: I don't think you can do that.
Monica: Why not? This is her wedding day. That's way more important than some stupid kids.
Chandler: That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption lady.

Mike: We're seriously asking for the money back?
Phoebe: It's for our wedding day. All right. Now, is this guy gay or straight? Because one of us is going to have to start flirting.
Charity Clerk: Wow. You're here to make another donation the same day? I don't think that's ever happened before.
Phoebe: Gay. Go.
Mike: Oh, my God, I love your shirt.
Phoebe: The donation we made earlier? Well, we want it back.
Charity Clerk: Excuse me?
Phoebe: Yeah, okay, see, that money was for a big wedding we thought we didn't want.
But it turns out we do.
Charity Clerk: So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children?
Mike: Yeah. This feels really good.
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm sorry. I am. But this wedding's just really important to me.
Charity Clerk: Hey, it's none of my business. Besides, this is probably a good thing. We've really been spoiling the children, what with all the food and warm clothing.
Phoebe: That's not fair. A person's wedding is important. And especially to me. Okay, I didn't have a graduation party. And I didn't go to prom. And I spent my sweet 16 being chased around a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who, in his own words, wanted to: "Kill me, or whatever." So I deserve a real celebration. And I'm not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.
Mike: She could've been talking about either one of us.

Chandler: What the hell are you doing?
Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble.
Chandler: Well, we're not.
Joey: But you called me "Bert." That's our code word for danger.
Chandler: We don't have a code word.
Joey: We don't? We really should. From now on, "Bert" will be our code word for danger.

Laura: Are you friends with him?
Chandler: I can explain. ... Joey?
Joey: Okay. You have got some nerve coming back here. I can't believe you never called me.
Laura: Excuse me?
Joey: Oh, yeah. You probably don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it, lady. Yeah, I waited weeks for you to call me.
Laura: I gave you my number. You never called me.
Joey: Don't try to turn this around on me. Okay. I am not some kind of social work, okay, that you can just do.
Laura: I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on. You're a beautiful woman. Smart, funny. We had a really good time, huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?
Laura: I don't know. Well, maybe I'm wrong. I'm sorry.
Joey: No, no. Hey, it's too late for apologies. Okay? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?
Laura: Joey, wait-
Joey: No! I waited a long time! I can't wait anymore.

Phoebe: We're back.
Charity Clerk: Are you here to take more money? Because I think what you're looking for is an ATM.
Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back.
Phoebe: Yeah. Because you know what? It's all about the children. Although it's also about the wedding. Ugh. All right, here. No. Oh, God.
Charity Clerk: If I haven't said so already, sir, congratulations.
Mike: Okay, look, enough, all right? I'm stepping in and putting my foot down. As your future husband, I'm gonna make this decision for us. What do you think we should do?

Charity Clerk: You know what, it's not your decision anymore.
Mike: What?
Charity Clerk: On behalf of the children of New York, I reject your money.
Phoebe: But we're giving you this.
Charity Clerk: And I'm giving it back to you. Come on, consider it a contribution.
Phoebe: Well, this is very generous.
Charity Clerk: No, please. Take the check. Go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together.
Mike: Sounds good to me. That way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation.
Charity Clerk: And when you do, ask for Brian.
Phoebe: Oh, is that you?
Charity Clerk: No.

Joey: Hey. What's going on?
Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today, so we're cleaning the apartment.
Monica: "We"?
Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways.

Joey: Hey, is this the person who decides whether or not you get a baby?
Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live.
Monica: And it has to go perfectly. Because if she doesn't like something about us, she can keep us off every adoption list in the state.
Joey: Hey, maybe I should stop by. She could be a soap opera fan. It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity.
Chandler: "Little people"?
Joey: "Celebrity."

Charity Clerk: May I help you?
Phoebe: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizable donation to the children.
Charity Clerk: Well, any contribution, large or small, is always appreciated.
Phoebe: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate the crap out of this one.
Charity Clerk: Well, this is very generous.
Phoebe: And we don't want any recognition. This is completely anonymous.
Mike: Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers.
Phoebe: Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay.
Charity Clerk: Well, if you'd like we can put your names in our newsletter.
Mike: Not necessary.
Phoebe: Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y.
Mike: And X is spelled "Mike Hannigan."

Charity Clerk: Well, on behalf of the children, thank you both very much.
Phoebe: Sure. I'm glad we did this. It feels so good.
Mike: It does. It feels really good.
Phoebe: Oh, look. And we get these free T-shirts.
Charity Clerk: Actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym.
Phoebe: It's moist.