Janice: I'm sorry. I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Joey: There was that one time Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica: What?
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no "time."
Joey: Okay, but let's say there was. How might that go?

Monica: I'll be back in just a minute. Phoebe, I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Phoebe: You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Monica: Oh. Then it must have been you.
Phoebe: Bye-bye. That's why I moved out.

Ross: Hey, while we're on that when are you gonna tell my sister that you don't live here anymore?
Monica: I think on some level, she already knows.
Ross: Phoebe, she doesn't know you sneak out every night. She doesn't know that you sneak back every morning. And she doesn't know that you've been living at your grandmother's for a week now.
Phoebe: Okay, well, maybe not on those levels.

Joey: Don't you wanna ask me any questions?
Chandler: Sure. What's up?
Joey: Well, I'm an actor. I'm fairly neat. I got my own TV. Oh, and don't worry, I'm totally okay with the gay thing.
Chandler: What gay thing?
Joey: Just, you know, in general. The whole "people-being-gay" thing.

Phoebe: What?
Monica: I'm just sad.
Phoebe: No, you're not. You're wondering which cushion it is.

Chandler: So what are you watching?
Joey: Baywatch.
Chandler: What's it about?
Joey: Lifeguards.
Chandler: Well, it sounds kind of stup- Who's she?
Joey: Nicole Eggert. We like her.
Chandler: Wow. Look at them run.
Joey: They do that a lot.

Ross: Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I'd been more nurturing or I'd paid more attention or I had a uterus.

Ross: I'm sorry, the answer there would be none of us.
Janice: Come on. Over the years, none of you ever got drunk and stupid?
Joey: Well, that's really a different question.

Phoebe: What is wrong?
Ross: My marriage. I think my marriage is kind of over.
Phoebe: Oh, no. Why?
Ross: Because Carol's a lesbian. And I'm not one. And apparently it's not a mix-and-match situation.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. I don't believe it. Oh, you poor bunny.
Ross: I'm an idiot. I mean, I should have seen it. I mean, Carol and I would be out, and she'd see some beautiful woman and she'd be, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "God, my wife is cool."
Phoebe: Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Ross: Well, now I do!

Janice: Well then answer me this: Have any of you ever almost?
Rachel: Anybody need more coffee?
Chandler: Yeah, I'll take some.
Joey: Hey, there's a dog out there.
Janice: [laughs]