‘The One with the Dozen Lasagnas’
Season 1, Episode 12 - Aired January 12, 1995
Monica struggles to give away lasagnas after she bakes twelve of them for her aunt, only to find out she's a vegetarian. Meanwhile, Ross is determined not to find out the sex of his baby, even though everyone else knows, and Phoebe is horrified when Paulo makes a pass at her.
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: Ugly Naked Guy is making shadow puppets.
Phoebe: Look, it's Abraham Lincoln.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Nauseous. I'm physically nauseous. What am I supposed to do? Call lmmigration? I could call lmmigration.
Quote from Joey
Monica: Yes! And that would be a shutdown!
Joey: Shutout!
Monica: Where you guys going? Come on, one more game!
Joey: It's 2:30 in the morning.
Chandler: Yeah, get out!
Monica: You guys are always hanging out in my apartment. Come on, I'll only use my left hand. Huh? Come on, wussies!
[Joey and Chandler lift Monica up and carry her out of the apartment.]
Monica: All right! Okay! I gotta go! I'm going. And l'm gone.
Chandler: One more game?
Joey: Oh, yeah.
Quote from Rachel
Phoebe: Wait, what are we sorry about?
Rachel: I don't know. Right. He's the pig.
Phoebe: Such a pig!
Rachel: Oh, God, he's such a pig! He's like a big disgusting pig. Pig man!
Phoebe: Yes, good, okay.
Rachel: Oh, but he was my pig man.
Quote from Joey
Joey: How about if we split it?
Chandler: What do you mean, like, buy it together?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Do you think we're ready for something like that?
Joey: Why not?
Chandler: Well, it's just a big commitment. What if one of us wants to move out?
Joey: Why? Are you moving out?
Chandler: l'm not moving out.
Joey: You'd tell me if you were moving out, right?
Chandler: Yes. Yes. It's just, with my last roommate-
Joey: I know all about Kip.
Chandler: We bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married. And things got pretty ugly.
Joey: Well, let me ask you something. Was Kip a better roommate than me?
Chandler: Oh, don't do that.
Quote from Monica
Ross: How's it going?
Monica: Okay, don't stare. She just threw his clothes off the balcony. Now there's gesturing and arm-waving. That is, "How could you?" or "Enormous breasts!"
Quote from Chandler
Joey: [talking cutesy] I love babies with their little baby shoes and their little baby toes and their little hands.
Chandler: Okay, you're gonna have to stop that. Forever.
Quote from Ross
Susan: Hello, Ross.
Ross: Susan.
Susan: So? So did you hear?
Ross: Yes, we did. Everything's A-Okay.
Susan: Oh, that's so cool!
Carol: It really is.
Susan: Do we know?
Carol: We certainly do. It's going to be a-
Ross: Woah, woah. Hello? A guy who doesn't wanna know is standing here.
Susan: Well, is it what we thought it would be?
Carol: Uh-huh.
Ross: Hey, what? Okay, what did we think it was going to be? No, no. I don't wanna know. Don't wanna know. I should probably just go.
Quote from Ross
Carol: Well, thanks for the books.
Ross: No problem. [kisses Carol, pats her belly] Okay. [fist bumps Susan in the arm] Susan.
Susan: Who should we call first? Your folks or Deb and Rhona?
[intercom buzzes]
Carol: Hello?
Ross: [on the intercom] Never mind. I don't wanna know.
Quote from Ross
Monica: Phoebe, what is it?
Phoebe: All right. You know Paolo?
Ross: l'm familiar with his work, yes.