Ross: I can't believe that didn't work.
Rachel: I know. Me neither. I mean, you had a sketch.

Joey: Hey, it's all your fault.
Monica: Why?
Joey: You didn't give me advice. You gave me a pickup line. When I told her I wanted to build a foundation and be friends first, suddenly, through no fault of my own, I became irresistible to her. And her roommate.
Monica: What about the closeness?
Joey: Closeness, schmosness. There were three of us for crying out loud.

Phoebe: As long as you understand that I'm calling my lawyer. And once he puts you on the stand, he'll make you look like a fool. Like a fool!

Gary: Well, I don't like looking foolish. Okay, maybe I don't arrest you today. Maybe I came by and you weren't here.
Phoebe: I would love it if I weren't here!

Phoebe: How did you know where to find me?
Gary:Well, your fingerprints were all over my badge. So I ran your it through the computer and this was listed as your last known address, so I checked it out.
Phoebe: Oh, impressive.
Gary: Not as impressive as you. I got to tell you, looked at your record and you've done some pretty weird stuff.
Phoebe: Yeah, we'll talk at dinner.

Gary: So I'll come in a couple of hours and pick you up?
Phoebe: Okay, I can't wait.
Gary: Don't worry, I'm not just going to take you out for doughnuts.
[Chandler laughs]
Chandler: He has a gun!

Phoebe: Llook what I found. It's a police badge.
Ross: Oh, what's that doing here? I don't see any doughnuts. [nobody else laughs] Cops and donuts. Come on. Oh, okay. Alright, if Chandler had said it you'd be all on the floor.
Chandler: Cops, doughnuts? Me? [scoffs, looks at Monica not to say anything]

Rachel: Don't you think we should maybe rethink the whole hiring movers thing?
Ross: No way! They're a rip-off. And you know what else? They check out your stuff and come back later and steal it. It's true. I saw it on Dateline.
Rachel: Oh, I love Dateline. You know, Jane Pauley is the one woman I would kiss. I don't know, there's just something about her.

Rachel: Oh, my God, Phoebe. Are you gonna go to jail?
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, you guys are going down with me. Harboring a fugitive? That's 1-3 three years minimum. Good luck, Chandler.